Transformed

Though my doctor delivered a bad report and breathed out uncertainty, my God breathed life and spoke promises that couldn't be broken. I heard His voice that day on the floor of my bedroom. "I have already taken care of it," He said. And with those words my spirit rejoiced and my heart believed.

Those few months at the end of my third and last pregnancy marked the beginning of a transformation for me. After a diagnosis of melanoma, life was suddenly more precious and each day demanded celebration of the goodness of God all around me. But in the midst of celebration I was required to change. Moving forward required a thorough evaluation of every area of my life. Without change there can be no growth.

From September to December of that year I took the first steps of leaving behind a life of pleasing others and satisfying self and embraced this God I had almost forgotten.

I found  myself in the middle of a crisis but really I had been in dangerous territory for some time.

As the doctor revealed my physical condition God exposed my spiritual condition.

Eight years later my transformation continues. I still hear whispers of the enemy and feel the pull of temptation to cram my schedule so full that God gets squeezed out. And I sometimes still feel the need to seek the approval of man at the expense of pleasing God.

But I remember that place. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and overwhelming anxiety and the fear that I could never do enough or never be good enough.

And I refuse to go back there.

Instead, I continue pressing forward, facing self and pride and lies of the enemy and sin head on, determined to live in communion with my Father. To know Him and to be known by Him.

I am amazed at His love and His mercy and His grace. I am thankful that He took me right where I was and loved me enough to refuse permission to stay there.

Our current Bible study has been challenging us to once again look within and allow God to change and transform us from the inside out. All week our focus has been transformation and change. And this morning our Pastor used our memory verse (Romans 12:2) as the center of his message. And the familiarity of his words brought me to my knees at the end of the service. "In transformational holiness God's voice begins to pierce through all the distractions and craziness of the world. It is here we begin to know His perfect will for our lives," Pastor James Holt.

I love how God confirms His message everywhere we go. If we are seeking Him, we shall surely find Him.

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 Corinthians 3:18

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

(PS...My biopsy results from last week were clear! Thank you for your prayers!)

**************

Joining with Melissa Taylor and a community of women as we seek God and His word in our current Online Bible Study: Stressed - Less Living by Tracie Miles.

How Your Facebook Status Can Change the World

Do you believe what you say and do affects others?

It does.

Do you want your life to make a difference?

It can.

Everything in your life (yes, down to your Facebook status) can make an impact on someone's life.

Today we have a greater opportunity to influence and reach others than ever before. Social media sites, blogs, YouTube - it's CRAZY to think about how much power is at our fingertips.

Just this morning while writing this post my blog was being viewed in three different countries. And in the last twenty-four hours - Germany, Canada, France, Israel, India, Russia, and the US.

It humbles me to think a mother in China is being encouraged by my words. Or that someone in South Africa is starting to believe God really does love them because they read it here.

Without a passport, I have traveled into homes across the world. The Philippines, Malaysia, Aruba, United Kingdom, Netherlands, China, France, Trinidad and Tobago, South Africa, Japan, Thailand.

And my #1 referring site?

Facebook.

Even if you don't have a blog but you have a Facebook page, what you say matters. What you write has power.

Your words are affecting someone. Your family, your friends, your community, your school, your co-workers, your children, your children's friends, your parents, your teachers, etc.

When I post a scripture on my fb status, it's like opening the Bible with possibly a thousand other people or more. And if they decide to share my post on their page or copy my status to their status, the influence grows. Good news travels fast.

Unfortunately, so does bad news.

Ever notice how quickly people respond to a negative fb status?

What you say matters.

Your fb status really can change the world, or at least a part of it.

• Open the Bible with your friends
• Spread good news
• Be encouraging
• Speak the truth in love
• Refuse to criticize, judge, and condemn
• Live a life set apart - out loud
• Choose joy

People are watching, listening, and reading.

Someone is having a bad day.

Someone feels hopeless, alone, and afraid.

Someone is contemplating suicide or abortion or abandoning their family.

Someone is searching for truth.

What are your words saying?

******
Linking with Jen and the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood :)

Biopsy Results, Surgery, and On Making a Difference

Update: Thank you to everyone who prayed for me recently. My biopsy results came back clear. Thank you, Jesus. I am moving forward with a hysterectomy and biopsy of my left ovary in two weeks. It is nice to know you will be praying for my surgery (I'm a big baby about needles and such). I am looking forward to complete recovery and putting this all behind me. I am not good at slowing down and much prefer operating at 100 percent. :)

I read a status on Facebook this morning from a friend (thanks, Pastor Carl) that said:

"I used to be afraid I would not make enough money, now I am afraid I won't make enough difference."

It's funny how our goals and objectives change as we get older. I have spent a large part of my life with goals like

• build a new house
• drive a new BMW
• finish my college education
• go to Europe

Not that any of those or wrong or that I don't still want to accomplish them, but they have moved down a little on my list. And really, if they don't happen, it's not a big deal anymore.

With my children becoming adults and my husband and I getting older, my thoughts now drift to how my life has made a difference and what things are still left to do that will impact those around me for good and for eternity.

• Have I loved my children enough?
• Have I said I'm sorry enough?
• Have I been a good friend?
• Was I kind to strangers?
• Did I show mercy, judge less, offer grace?
• Did my words build up or tear down?

I don't want to live without making an impact on the people in my life. If I err let it be because I've been too good to others and not too evil. If I fail, let it teach others and myself a valuable lesson and let the experience make us better and help us find God more. If I make a mistake, I pray my children and others can avoid the heartache because of consequences I suffered.

So whether or not I ever build a new house, I will choose to love.

If I never drive a new BMW, I will forgive more and judge less.

If I never walk across the stage with diploma in hand, I will refuse criticism and offer grace.

And if I never use a passport, I will choose to be kind.

Let this life of mine make a difference. Let my husband be a better man because of my love for Him. Let my children love God more because they know their mother does. Let my family relationships and friendships be filled with joy and peace and goodness because it is not I who lives but Christ in me.

Instead of finishing another semester of college, I sit at my desk and write. I pour out my heart through these words and pray that somehow they make a difference to those of you who read them. I pray that I can be more vulnerable, share more struggles, be more transparent...for His glory alone.

How have your goals changed? Have you noticed a shift in your thinking and focus?

(Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons-Lindsay)

Linking today with Jen for Soli Deo Gloria

When Mothering Feels More Like a Burden Than a Blessing

Flickr Creative Commons - Jhayne

In my last my last post, I talked about our roles as mom and wife and how they are beautiful and how they are ministry.

But how many times have we been overwhelmed and the pressures seemed too much and things did not feel beautiful and we didn't know if we could go another day? Can you think of a specific time you have felt more burdened than blessed by this place God created for you (wife, mother or both)?

I shared this on Facebook:

I remember being 19/20 and becoming wife and mother all within the same year. I remember being so overwhelmed with a crying baby in the middle of the night and feeling like I wasn’t going to be able to do this whole family thing. The responsibility was great and the 24 hour care was unending. I was selfish and immature and not prepared but God was. I also remember having my second child at 23 and how the terrible 2’s lasted until around the age of 9. He was strong-willed and a professional fit thrower and there were days I thought surely I would lose my mind. Thankfully, I still have most of it. J I have made many mistakes, but God has given me grace to walk through those times too difficult to even consider standing on my own.

And my friend, Staci, shared this:

As a mother of four biological children and two step-children, I find myself feeling overwhelmed ALL of the time. It’s very difficult to balance your time and attention to each child. The two that live with us full time now are by far the most difficult and I find myself many times asking God, Why? I have not yet received an answer but I do know I love them unconditionally. I just need direction and encouragement. I recently took a break from the regular routine and just spent quality time with them and amazingly they were totally different children….wow isn’t that what God wants from us…..quality time?

We, as wives and mothers, no matter how different our circumstances, often experience many of the same emotions, feelings of inadequacy, too-tired-to-go-another-step days, and don’t-even-want-to-try-anymore moments.

Flickr Creative Commons - iamtheo

If you find yourself in any of these places today, be encouraged that you are not alone. We all have good days and bad days. We all have days we feel like throwing in the towel or crawling back in the bed. Let’s encourage one another! If you see someone who looks like they could use a friend, be one! If you are going through something and need a shoulder to cry on or someone to pray for you, pick up the phone and let it be known. You are no less because you can’t do this alone. We weren’t mean to travel this journey without each other or without God. Let’s not try it, ok?

I am grateful God can get the job done when we can't! And when we fail, we accept His grace and try again. And He's there to replenish and refresh if we will just position ourselves to receive from Him. We position ourselves by spending quality time, as Staci said...time in the Word, time in prayer, and time just being still and quiet before Him.

I am saying a prayer for all of you today, that God would give you peace in this place, grace to walk through victoriously, and the courage to acknowledge that you can't do it without Him. Take His hand, sister, and where you've been overwhelmed with circumstances. I pray you will be overwhelmed with His love! ♥

Rom 15:14 - And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.

Gal 6:2 - Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

James 5:16 - Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

How can I pray for you specifically today?

There is No One

(Flickr Creative Commons - epSos.de)

There is no one who loves me the way He loves me.

Even when I am unlovable. Even when I think I can make it without Him. Even when I am absent and far from Him. Even when I am rude and selfish and ugly and full of  pride. He loves me.

There is no one who knows me the way He knows me.

When I am lonely, He knows. When my heart is broken but my face still smiles, He knows. When I am overwhelmed or lost or afraid or discouraged. He knows every single thing about me, even when I don't say it out loud. He knows me better than I know myself.

There is no one who completes me the way He completes me.

No matter how hard I search, nothing I find will fulfill the place that was meant for Him. There is a place inside me created for His presence, His spirit. It is molded and shaped for His character and His love. Nothing else fits there the way He does. Completely. Wholly. Perfectly. When I am undone, He is my missing piece.

(Flickr Creative Commons - Nattu)

There is no one who will ever love you the way He loves you.

Jesus loves us so much that He died for us. He gave His life for us. Even in our sin, He loves and offers forgiveness. His love for us is unconditional. It is difficult to understand how someone could love us this much and never change. But He does. Even now, where you are at this very moment, near Him or far from Him...He. Loves. You.

"But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us." Romans 5:8

There is no one who will ever know you the way He knows you.

He knows every detail about your life. He knows your thoughts, your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your sins, your sadness, your loneliness. He. Knows. You. There is nothing that can be hidden from Him.

"O LORD, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
²You know my downsitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off.
³You sift and search out my path and my lying down, and You are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
⁵You have beset me and shut me in--behind and before, and You have laid Your hand upon me.
⁶Your [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high above me, I cannot reach it.
⁷Where could I go from Your Spirit? Or where could I flee from Your presence?
⁸If I ascend up into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol (the place of the dead), behold, You are there.
⁹If I take the wings of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰Even there shall Your hand lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me and the night shall be [the only] light about me,
¹²Even the darkness hides nothing from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.
¹³For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:1-13

There is no one or nothing who will ever fulfill you the way He fulfills you.

He is your missing piece. He is what you've been searching for all this time. It's not your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your children, your job, more finances, a better car, a newer house, another drink, another party, more friends, your local church. It. Is. Him. If you are incomplete and unfulfilled, if there is an emptiness you can't seem to fill, He is what you've been looking for.

"Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth. It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Ephesians 1:7-12 (The Message)

Will You Consider Your Influence?

I was thinking today of the great ability we have to influence others. This tool that has been placed in our hands has super-power characteristics and super-natural capabilities. Within our own sphere of influence lies a variety of people: adults, children, teenagers, married couples, young singles, babies, recovering alcoholics, those on the verge of breakdown, those contemplating suicide, the abused, the abusers, those about to make a life-changing decision, those whose life will end tomorrow, etc.

What kind of influence are you having?

We come in contact with other people daily. Our words, our actions, our expressions, and even our attitude can have a profound effect on someone.

Is someone better, healthier, stronger because of their encounter with you?

Everywhere we go, someone’s life is hanging in the balance. A war is being waged against someone’s soul. A battle for eternity is at hand.

Do your words and your actions point them to Jesus or do they confirm the world’s values?

It’s easy to say what we believe, but when faced with certain situations, do we live those same beliefs?

If you were unable to speak, would your actions give the same message?

Do the photos and statuses you share on Facebook confirm your message?

What is your message?

In light of some tragic and life-changing events that have happened over the last couple of years in our community, I find myself asking more often what my influence is. Am I making a difference? Does my life speak of good without words? Do my words bring life or encourage death?

People young and old are watching. Men and women hurting and broken are searching. Teenagers misguided and alone are looking for examples. Children’s lives are being molded by their environment and the things they see and hear.

Will you consider your influence?

It’s affecting the world.

*****************

Photo Credit: Anthony Kelly - flickr creative commons

Five Creative Ways to Share the Love of God in February

When you think of Valentine's Day you probably have visions of cupid aiming his arrow, romantic dinners, bouquets of roses and candy hearts that say "I love you." But apart from all the hoopla and at the very center of it's message, February 14th is about showing someone you love them.

And since God IS LOVE, why not use the month of February to take extra time letting others know how much HE loves them?

Although there are countless numbers of ways to do this, I have listed five to help get the ideas flowing:

1. Make scripture "love notes" to pass out. Leave them for your waiter along with your tip, hand them to the cashier as you go through your favorite fast food place, leave on a co-worker's desk, pass to a stranger, etc.
2. Pay it forward. Do something nice for a stranger without expecting anything in return, only that they "pay it forward" and do something nice for someone else. Leave an encouraging note or scripture with your act of kindness.
3. Invite someone to lunch for the purpose of exhorting and encouraging them (think of someone who has had a bad week).
4. Send out a mass email offering to pray for any needs or requests for those who respond.
5. Play "Secret Santa" and give God the credit. Bless someone with a gift and leave an anonymous note that says, "Jesus loves you or God's thoughts of you today are too many to count."

Notice how each of these is used as a tool to remind people of the love of God (or maybe let them know for the first time). The purpose is not to bring glory or recognition to ourselves, but to Him alone.

Do you have any creative outreach ideas you'd like to share?

"I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another," (John 13:34).

Joining today with Jen and the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood :)

And the Stockings Were Hung

And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care  on the iron thingee I bought from Kirkland's because I don't have a chimney...

Sometimes our lives are not storybook or fairytale material. They may start out that way, but usually change somewhere in the middle of the first sentence.

Over the years, I have learned that we each have our own story. Different characters, different setting, different plot. But it's our story. And it's the one God wrote for us.

December is a great time to refocus and get back to the basics. Spend quality time with your family. Cherish them. Love them.

Let them know how special they are and what they mean to you. Don't just buy gifts, give yourself.

One of the ways I like to give to my children is to fill their stockings with personalized, fun, and sweet surprises. I think it takes really knowing someone and what they like to make it special. If you're not careful this can get expensive, but it doesn't have to. The dollar stores have something for everyone!

Examples are:

• fuzzy socks in favorite colors or designs
• favorite candy, gum or mints
• hand-written coupons to be redeemed for their favorite things (favorite dinner or dessert, chocolate chip pancakes, movie night, game time, get-out-of-a-chore...although I wouldn't do too many of these lol, 2 hours in their favorite bookstore, a foot or scalp massage (my kids love these, too), popcorn on the stove instead of microwave, a ringtone for their phone or single song download from itunes, etc)
• puzzle books or magazines
• movies (I got some on black Friday for $1.96!)
• cards or other small games
• lipstick or nail polish
• homemade cookies
• items from the travel size bins (toothpaste, hairspray, body wash, body spray, hand sanitizer in favorite scents, etc)
• a new toothbrush and flavored floss
• favorite character bandaids
• a new ornament for next year
• ear buds
• craft supplies (beads or string for making bracelets, scrapbooking items, paints, glitter, etc)
• key chain or mini-flashlight
• inexpensive bracelet or necklace
• car scents
• mini-devotional
• $5.00 gift cards from Sonic, McDonalds, Starbucks or Blockbuster
• and I could go on and on and on...the possibilities really are endless. Use your imagination and get creative. :)

This year, in addition to the material gifts, I am going to add a hand-written letter to my spouse's and each of my children's stockings. I want to encourage them, build them up and let them know how much I love them and believe in them. I am going to remind them of promises from God's Word that apply to where each of them are at this point in their lives. Will you try it, too?

And just as we love to give gifts to our children, even more so does our Father love to give gifts to us (Matthew 7:11). All those years ago, He gave a gift that is unending...His Son and the reason we celebrate.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6).

What are some special things you do for Christmas or plan to do this year?

(More Than) 5 Minute Friday, in real life, & an On-Line (un)Conference

(Please continue praying for Texas and all those affected by the wildfires and working to put them out. Send Your rain, God.)

I popped over to The Gypsy Mama for the normal 5 Minute Friday post and was surprised to discover this. It sounds really amazing and I can stay in my pajamas…bonus! Maybe you can come, too? I'm thinking...pajama party?

In keeping with their theme, in real life, I decided to share a few of the first thoughts that come to mind (this could be dangerous…). You can read more of the same here., and link up, if you'd like.

The phrase in real life implies that maybe some things in life… aren’t…real? This got me t’ thinkin’ (sorry, sometimes the Texas in me sneaks out)…and to brainstorming (like writers sometimes do). Here’s what I came up with:

In fake life?, get real, for real, uncover, lies, cover-up, pretend, in plain sight, taking off the mask, not always perfect, too good to be true, put on a happy face, behind closed doors, hiding, fear of, out in the open, the real me, the real you, what you see is what you get, closed, open up, share

Boy, did that open up a can of worms.

Aren’t we all in this real life together? Why the temptation to hide behind masks of perfection or cover up hurts or put up walls or be someone we’re not?

In this life…this real life…there are hurts. There is happy and sad. There is beautiful and there is ugly. There is abuse, failure, success, lies, mistakes, regrets, victories, anger, sin, love, hate, tempers lost, divorce, jealousy, expectations, affairs, rebellion, cliques, impure motives, joy, disappointments, accomplishments, and on and on and on.

You get the idea.

Let’s talk about the real. Let’s be real. And let’s help each other.

It’s all good (except when it’s not).

And that reminds me of one of my favorite books, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!, by Dr. Seuss.

“Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest…Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t. I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you…”

But do we stop or give up because real life happens? No.

“…on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.”

I hope you know as I write these words on my blog, God is speaking to me, healing me, correcting me, exposing me, re-directing me… loving me. I invite you to come along and pray that you find some of the same through what you read. Sometimes my arms get sore and my sneakers leak, but God never changes. I am happy to be sharing my journey with all of you.

Isn’t that part of our job description anyway?

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (I Thes. 5:11).

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (Heb. 10:23-25).

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace (1 Peter 4:8-10).

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Gal. 6:2).

Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God (Col. 3:16).

Happy Friday, friends! :)

imperfect prose: i am His

finding joy in the still

learning rest in the not-to-do

listening in the quiet

encountering Him.

i feel His pursuit

i hear the sound of His breath

this breath of life

blowing like a great wind over me.

i will not be found hiding

afraid in sin and shame

but turned and running

to meet my Pursuer.

loved and forgiven i receive this gift

empowered and filled i break free

called and commissioned i advance

consumed and overtaken it is no longer i who live.

giving thanks in all, i am embraced by the One whose heart holds complete

undone and unable to speak, my words fail me

overwhelmed by this God who loves me full

i spill out and He cradles messy, imperfect brokenness.

i sit on this potter's wheel surrendered

i enter this furnace open

molding, refining, repairing, re-making

becoming.

i am His.

what is this life if not to be lived for the One who first breathed life

if not to be given back to the one Who first gave

lived for the One who breathes life still, today

given to the One who gives life still, today

i am His.

****

linking with beautiful emily for imperfect prose.

 and beautiful ann for walk with Him wednesdays 

how can we reach them unless we see

(today i am linking my words with others and emily for imperfect prose.  i have only found her this week and feel like i have uncovered treasure. she is an amazing writer and artist.  you will be blessed to visit her blog. also be sure to check the listed links for some encouraging words from other writers as well)

walking through fields of corn too tall

standing on tip toes to get a peek

what is it thats out there

there beyond the place my eyes can see?

i imagine people

souls lost and hearts aching

undone and unraveled

searching for home

a place to lay their heads

ears to listen

hearts that hold complete.

beyond our now is a world of hurting people

in front of us lies wounded the rejected and forgotten.

how will we reach them unless we see?

open our eyes lord

let us see clearly those to whom you have called us.

stretch our hands made for healing

move our feet fashioned for the journey

give us courage to see and grace to love.

sharing the one who alone brings peace, hope, forgiveness and salvation.

Jesus.

Chapter Ten: Loving Beyond Reason

(Since I was on a mini vacation last week with my hubby, I am playing "catch up" and publishing 2 posts back to back.  So, if you're following along with our book study, be sure to read the previous post as well.  Also, keep checking The Bloom Book Club for updates!)

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one.  It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. " C.S. Lewis

Paula starts off chapter 10 by saying that "our hearts are safe until love enters the picture.......The hope in becoming a strong woman with a soft heart is that God would set us free to love - lavishly and with wild abandon - the people he puts into our lives.  That's what we've been made for. But loving well is no small assignment."

How true is this?!  I can think of many close relationships in my life where I've loved and been hurt (and when I've been the one to do the hurting). Sometimes, we stink at loving.  And sometimes love just stinks.  It never feels good to be let down, abandoned, betrayed, neglected.....

"Loving someone is the one venture in life in which the more you succeed, the more you have to lose."

So so true.

But....

"The capacity to love - to really give ourselves to someone in a marriage, or even a friendship - is what God made us for.  He calls us, first of all, to risk our hearts with Him......to love others out of the love we've been given."

"We also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts." Romans 5:3-5

Paula explains that the "greatest evidence that we know God is relational"....as found in John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

There is so much in loving each other and having (and sustaining) close relationships.  Love.  It sounds so simple, but because of our complexities and our JUNK, we make it complex and difficult at times. 

She quotes Henri J. M. Nouwen, a French priest, "We must hold each other as we would hold a wounded bird.  If we grip too tightly, we will crush the life out of the other person.  And if we don't hold securely enough, of course, the relationship will falter altogether."

I have a tendency to not hold securely enough.  I don't know what it is, or which of my JUNK drawers I need to look in to find the reason, but I usually step back when I should maybe step a little closer.  It doesn't come naturally for me to open up and share my most intimate feelings or struggles....maybe that's why I write.  I find it easier to share here. :)  Thanks for listening.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I sometimes offer advice too quickly in an effort to try and "fix" things. Because I'm a peace maker, and I like to help!  But that's not always a good thing.   "In a close relationship, we have to recognize the part of the equation that uniquely belongs to the other person.  It's their choice, their feelings, their responsibility, their painful past - that kind of thing."  In other words, sometimes stepping back is the right thing to do.  Sometimes loving is letting go, or at least giving a little room for God to do what only He can do.

"...close relationships always contain generous measures of strength and softness, of yes and no.  Love in a fallen world utterly requires them both."

Loving well requires that we say "yes" but that we also say "no" when it needs to be said.  The strength to say "no" is "a part of the equation."  Paula explains that setting boundaries in relationships is one way of saying no.  (If you are interested, there is a book about setting boundaries that is really good!  "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend)

"Loving someone well is a kind of tending of the relationship, not unlike cultivating a garden.  The relationship itself is almost a third being: not you, not the other person, but a living thing itself.  For the sake of the relationship - for the sake of love itself - you offer the warmth and attention that would allow something good to grow, even though past hurt can make you wary.  But the relationship, like any good garden, needs cultivation.  And similarly, honesty insists that you tell the truth about the weeds taking over in certain spaces.  Any real relationship will take some back-breaking work in the hot sun with a hoe in your hand.  A good gardener knows that if she ignores the weeds, they take over.  The reward comes in small moments of intimacy and connectedness - moments only, as elusive as any summer butterfly - but they do come. We just cultivate the garden as best we can. And try to be patient."

Study Questions (pg. 229-232)

1.  When are the times in a close relationship that you are most reminded of the exquisite pain that loving someone well entails? 

2.  If your heart had actual walls around it, would those walls be too thick - meaning that it's hard to get close to you? Or would those walls be too thin - meaning that you are more easily taken advantage of and you require too little of others? Why?