Friday, December 23, 2011
It's so hard when the very thing with which you are encouraging and counseling others slaps you right in the face. (I thought I had this all worked out?) And immediately the accusations come and bring their friends...feelings of unworthiness and the thought that God must have gotten me mixed up with someone else more together or more "spiritual."
Do you ever feel like a big, fat nothing? A nobody? A complete failure? Like, who am I kidding and what am I doing?
It seems like every time I start on a project (article, devotional, study, etc), I immediately feel unworthy and inadequate...ill-equipped to successfully complete the task before me. Sometimes it feels too big and out of my league. I am, after all, just a small town country girl who got pregnant before marriage, never finished college, has piles of laundry, occasionally yells at her kids and gets mad at her husband.
It's so tempting to say, "No, I can't do this."
But I know God has another plan. And He IS all-sufficient and more than adequate and overly equipped...and He will equip me and you to do whatever it is He has called us to do. No matter how many times we fail or how many times we sigh the sigh of frustration or cover our face in anguish or clench our fists or lay prostrate in desperation...He is there to pick us up and hold our hand and take us to that place of refuge and restoration. Again, and again, and again.
In our stretching, in our enlarging, in our growing...often we break open, spilling and exposing junk that has been there all along but covered and hidden and deceiving. It feels good (to our pride) to think we have arrived...we are among the spiritually elite (whatever that means). But, really, none of us have made it, nor will we until we meet our Savior face to face.
We are all on a journey to becoming.
Are you overwhelmed or frustrated or discouraged today? Do you feel like God must have made a mistake because the job is just too big? Do you feel like you have messed up one too many times and you're now disqualified?
You are not alone, friend.
You are not the only one who gets tricked into believing these lies from time to time.
God does not measure our worth the way we measure ourselves or determine our value by our accomplishments, education, past mistakes, or other people's opinions of us.
Can I get a Hallelujah?
For 2011, I had a word for the year: Fearless.
For 2012, I have a scripture. It fits well in this post and my life.
And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18.
As we continue to peek inside the Word of God and allow Him to reveal things, expose things, purge things...our journey of transformation continues. Our lives are living, breathing testimonies of what He can do when we cannot. Of what He can forgive when we fail. Of what He can do in His strength when we feel like we are going to pass out from weakness. Of what He can do when the job really is too big for us, because it usually is...and I think He planned it that way.
When you mess up, don't disqualify or count yourself out. Your Father doesn't.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ~Jeremiah 29:11.
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding ~Proverbs 3:5.
The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the [whole] person; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple ~ Psalm 19:7.
Thank you, God, that no matter how many times I mess up, You do not disqualify me. You are taking my blemishes and scars and wounds and traditions and unbelief and restoring my whole person. You have plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future. Help me to lean on, trust in, and be confident in You with all my heart and all my mind. Thank You for mercy and grace on this journey of transformation. I am a big fat nothing without You, but with You I am a daughter of the King. All praise and honor and glory to You, my God.