This is our last week of the "Unglued" (Lysa Terkeurst) book study with Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Studies. It has been an incredible journey. And really, it is just beginning.
This week, in Chapter 12, Lysa challenges us to take "an honest peek inside our soul." She suggests that maybe these "unglued" moments aren't necessarily a bad thing, but an invitation for us to look deep inside of ourselves.
Why do I act or react a certain way?
What is it that causes me to feel this way?
Why do I always feel inferior or not good enough?
"When I look through the window of my unglued reactions, I may find pride I don't want to acknowledge. Longstanding unforgiveness. Deep-seated bitterness. Simmering anger. Joy-stealing jealousy. Condemning shame. Haunting regrets. Entangling rejection..." (pg. 168).
When situations, events, or circumstances cause us to have certain negative, misguided feelings, those feelings can "distract us, discourage us, and trigger past pain to start taunting us." (168).
The "honest peek inside my soul" this week has not been fun but oh, so necessary.
Words buried twenty years deep suddenly resurfaced.
I am thankful hurts covered over many times and hidden long are not unreachable by God. There are no boundaries that limit how far His healing, mercy, and grace will reach. Just as it is available to us in our present journey, it is abundant for our past mistakes and wounds.
Twenty-one years ago, unmarried and pregnant at nineteen, I found myself planning a wedding with my high school sweetheart. There were those who whispered I should not wear a veil and suggested that my wedding dress not be white.
I felt dirty, unworthy, shamed, and rejected.
Not good enough.
Although I did wear a white dress on my wedding day, no amount of lace could cover the feelings that perhaps I really wasn't good enough. Maybe God's grace had run out and my sin was too big. Maybe I had messed up too many times and God was too disappointed to even look at me.
No matter how deeply hidden, wounds left unattended do not disappear. Hurtful words become a filter through which we see and experience life if we let them. They affect our spiritual and emotional well-being.
On pg 166, Lysa's friend, Jenni, says, "I still get offended when someone asks a question that makes me feel like I've failed."
I can relate.
I often hear thoughts like, "You can write a blog but you'll never be good enough to publish a book."
These things buried deep build fences around our potential.
These things strangle hope and confirm fears and doubts that tell us "There's no way."
But God gently tills the deep places of our hearts and unearths those things holding us captive.
Desperate to free us from the lies of the enemy, He whispers truth to our soul.
You are worthy.
You are loved.
You are accepted.
We must learn to recognize the thoughts, the lies, the words pouring out of hurt and wounds that speak negatively and falsely accuse.
And we must replace them with truth.
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:5.
We must gather the courage to allow God to walk with us as we take an honest peek inside our soul. A peek to the very dark, hidden places of our hearts.
And we must say "yes" to the One who desires to heal and bind up those broken places.
"Yes" to the One who puts us back together so that His glory can be poured out through us.
I am so thankful His mercies are new every morning and His grace never runs out.
I am thankful that because of Jesus I am forgiven.
Because of Jesus, I am redeemed.
And because of Jesus, I am worthy.
Thank you, Lysa, for writing this book. For walking us into hard places and helping us discover truth in order to break free. Thank you, Melissa and the whole P31 Team, for your faithfulness in leading this study and for praying always. And thank you, God, for loving us enough to not leave us where we are.