Monday, April 30, 2012

Waiting on a Biopsy & Why Letting Go Requires Holding On

Flickr Creative Commons - Vic

Last week I told you I would be having a biopsy. Thank you so much for praying.

Here is what we found out: The lining of my uterus was thicker than normal (which was expected), but my doctor also found a polyp in my uterus and cyst in my left ovary. He biopsied the lining and polyp that day. We are scheduling a hysterectomy for sometime in May and during surgery he will also biopsy the cyst. I have a follow-up appointment next Monday for the results of the first biopsy.

I find myself once again in this uncomfortable place of waiting. Since having melanoma in 2004, every time something is abnormal I get to do a biopsy. I have had moles, cysts in my thyroid, and a lipoma all biopsied over the last several years.

I am so thankful all but the first report in 2004 have been good news. I think of my friends who have gone through and are going through much more challenging circumstances. We never know where our life adventure will take us or how many bumps we will encounter along the way. We do, however, know that God is the author of our story and our final destination is too incredible for words.

Each time I have a biopsy fear tries to direct my thoughts. But this time, it's different. Through this waiting I hear God saying:

"Let go. Let go of trying to figure things out. Let go of trying to avoid the bumps. Let go of trying to manipulate or control the outcome. Let go, but hold on. Hold on to Me. Hold on to Me when you don't have the answer. Hold on to me when the bumps are necessary... because sometimes they are. Sometimes the rough places empty you of you and fill you with more of Me. It's in these places My purposes for you can be fulfilled and My glory can be revealed. Let go of fear and anxiety and worry. Let go. And hold on to Me."

I wonder how many times I've allowed fear or distraction or negative reports to drown out these words?

Today I choose to let go. I choose to let go of the things that would try to paralyze me and keep me in this place, year after year, test after test. I choose to let go of worrying about what my future on this earth holds.

Today I choose to hold on. I choose to hold on to His promises. I choose to hold on to His Word. I choose to hold on to Him.

Lord, be glorified in every place in my life. The easy places, the hard places, the narrow places, the challenging places, the happy places, the rough places, the mountains tops, and the valleys.

Pour out Your glory through me.

Is there something you need to let go today? When our hands are full and gripped tight around things beyond our control, it is difficult to receive all He has to offer. How can we hold on to Him if our arms and hands cradle the very places we need Him most?

Let go today.

Let go, but hold on.

Hold on to Him and allow His glory to be revealed through your story.

Father, thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for loving us and never giving up on us. We know that some things are too heavy for us to carry and we weren't meant to carry them. Today, we let them go. We place them at your feet and we choose to hold on to you. Be glorified in every part of our lives. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Linking today with:

Jen and the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood

Michelle at Graceful

Shanda at A Pause on the Path

Laura at The Wellspring

10 friends had this to say:

Shakin' the Foundation said...

My prayers for a POSITIVE report for you!!
Love you girl!!

ps...awesome post :)

Thoughts for the day said...

I hope you have LOTS of help after your surgery it is hard and challenging but you will feel better after it is all healed.
The was the one surgery that rocked my sense of 'I want to do it myself' off its rocker. I needed help and had to ask for it.
will pray for you

Dawn @ Dawnings said...

We do, however, know that God is the author of our story and our final destination is too incredible for words.

So maybe you've had lots of practice with this faith and letting go and waiting on medical news. But I think you are doing it right.

May God grant you peace and health in all of your unknowns.

BARBIE said...

I am praying for you. I had post menopausal bleeding about four months ago. My uterine lining is also too thick and after a biopsy it was discovered that I have uterine polyps. However, no surgery was scheduled. We are taking the "wait and see approach". If I have any more symptoms, then they will remove the polyps. Asking for God's peace to surround you!

marlece said...

wow, aren't you glad you have such a loving Father to lean on. You have been thru it haven't you? I pray the Lord is with you each step of the way. You are a tough girl!

Shanda said...

I am praying for you as you wait. Our pastor this week spoke of waiting and said that the wait is the hardest part of hope.
Keep up the hope and we will be praying for good results from your biopsy, surgery, and other biopsy. I pray God's peace over your heart.

Kelli Williams Wommack said...

Praying for you, friend...God is growing your testimony and it is beautiful!

Being a Child of God..... said...

Praying for your upcoming surgery.

Laura said...

Shelly, you are so brave. It's always about the open hand, isn't it? Praying, friend.

Denise said...

May God sweetly bless you, and comfort you precious sis. Keeping you in my prayers.