What is This Gift if I Refuse to Give?

Ann Voskamp spoke these words in our meeting last Saturday night and I am forever changed:

"Not only do we open our hands to receive the gift, not only do we become gifted because of the gift, our very lives become our gift back to the Giver."

This is living. This is ministry. This is worship. This is loving.

We were challenged at the end of the service to write down things that were holding us back, things keeping us from courageously giving our lives as a gift, from living open handed. Laying down my paper at the base of the tall, wooden cross on the edge of the stage, by faith I released the fear of failure, the fear of man and surrendered to His will.

It is not about what we can do that might impress someone or make our name great. It is letting our lives become a beacon flashing and pointing to His name which is great and greatly to be praised. It is about sharing and loving and helping and healing and gathering and encouraging and telling. It is about Him and what He has already done.

Simple yet one of the most difficult things...prying our hands open to receive His gifts and leaving them open so they are given back. Living transparent and exposed, trusting, hoping, waiting.

We have been given gifts. Take a moment to see what you've been given...that which has been put into your hands.

Let us be bold in our sharing, selfless in our living... open handed.

"The gospel is not about what we grasp, but about what we've been given......We (our lives) are to be a trailer (think book or movie trailer), a foretaste of the Kingdom of God..." Ann Voskamp.

Today I am linking with Jen for Soli deo Gloria, Michelle for Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday and counting my gifts with Ann V.

Thankful for...

8. refreshing moments of quiet

9. falling stars under an open sky at midnight with girlfriends

10. a husband who never complains about working to provide for our family

11. Kindle (for Android) book downloads on sale for $2.99

12. deep breaths inhaled, exhaled

13. birds singing early, reminding me to praise

14. eyes that see His majesty and a heart that feels

15. our house that's too small because it's full

16. unexpected visits at a roadside gas station

17. feeling my child's heartbeat when he hugs me just because

18. opportunities on airplanes that allow my gifts to become my gift back to the Giver

A Process Begins and Continues

(She Speaks - Part 2)

Messages from this weekend continue to burn in my heart. The sound of 650+ women worshipping together, hands lifted high. The sound of silence and tears shed in the prayer room. Hearts open, fears exposed, spirits connected.

Dreams remembered, vision restored, hope renewed, love rekindled, hearts repaired. So many stories, each unique, found in a chair, head bowed...on a pillow, hands clasped...standing, arms open wide...all for an audience of One.

I hear whispers in this place, softly spoken confessions and requests, that echo my own.

• I'm too old to be starting.
• Is this really what God wants me to do?
• I just don't know.
• I can't.
• How do I juggle everything without neglecting something?
• I don't want to do it without His blessing.
• It's so hard.
• I feel like if I were better....

A process begins and continues. God chiseling away at the very things that might keep us from Him, from the plans and purposes He has for us. Fears, insecurities, strongholds, doubts. Let. God. Chisel.

Home now, I'm having a hard time finding words to describe my few stolen moments away. I ramble on when asked, because no single word seems adequate.

Hard, exciting, overwhelming, fun, emotional, anointed, challenging, scary, life-changing, exhausting, inspiring, motivating, hard (did I say that already?).

I'm sure I will be downloading for quite some time in various posts once I have processed what actually transpired over these few days. I am looking forward to re-experiencing the workshops and sessions through my notes and CDs.

What a blessing to have met such incredible women, sharing their hearts and loving each other and God. I was weepy the whole weekend, overcome with emotion when all 650 of us sat together, eyes on the One Who brought us there. Kindred spirits, like minds...sisters. I. Am. Grateful.

Two of my blogging friends and new sisters,

 Jen and Amy

Another sister friend, Robin, my roomie. Thankful that God allowed us to share this time together.

I am beginning the counting of my blessings, starting with the ones from the conference Saturday night when Ann Voskamp spoke and I was forever changed.

Counting blessings with Ann V.

1. Growing, stretching.
2. Hard moments, tears shed.
3. New places, new opportunities.
4. Sisters.
5. Emptying, filling, emptying.
6. Airport train rides to the right terminal.
7. Grace. Grace. Grace.

Today I am linking with Ann and Jen.

My She Speaks Journey Begins

Thursday morning 5:15 AM wake up call.  Hugs and kisses goodbye to my family...out the door at 7:45, picked up by my friend and roomie, Robin.  On the plane at 10:12 and on our way to a weekend I'm sure we will never forget.

And so begins my journey to She Speaks...

I have flown probably 7 or 8 times, but have always had my husband or someone with me giving me instructions and telling me what to do.  Robin has never flown.  Needless to say, God is growing and stretching us. After we ended up at the wrong terminal, we got a courtesy ride in the airport train to get us to the right place. :)

We met up with Jessica, our new friend who lives only about 30 minutes from us. She Speaks has brought us together and we hope to continue encouraging one another when we get home. We are making lasting connections.  (And Jessica has a really awesome iPhone app coming out soon!)

We arrived safely at the airport in Charlotte, NC where we were picked up by an amazing, funny, beautiful shuttle driver whose name I have sadly forgotten.  I pray that I can connect with her again before Sunday to exchange information.  And I pray that God opens a door and provides a way for her to attend some workshops and soak in His presence this weekend.

After a quick stop at Wendy's (I had not eaten anything since the night before), we made it to our hotel. Our suite is amazing, the beds are soooo comfy and the quiet is...well...heavenly.



Unable to resist the temptation to nap, we took advantage of the heavenly sound of nothing and the comfy beds.  After laying in our room talking for three hours, we finally crashed and woke up 15 minutes before our dinner reservation.  We quickly wiped the mascara from under our eyes, freshened our makeup and traded in our lounging clothes for more appropriate attire. Below is only a small number of some of the very talented and inspiring women we met tonight.

I even got to meet Micca Campbell from P31 when she stopped by our table for a visit!  If you haven't connected with her on her blog, you should.  Find her here. 

It is now 1:30 AM (but 12:30 Texas time so really it's still early for me), and I am going to call it a night, or a morning, or ...whatever. I know tomorrow holds keys to unlocking a piece of my destiny.  I am looking forward to finding the prayer room, connecting with more new friends. learning how to prepare a powerful, effective 15 minute publisher meeting (which will come in handy for my two appointments on Saturday), listening to Lysa TerKeurst in our opening session and losing myself in God's presence.

Good night sweet friends. I wish you were here. Maybe next year?

Questions, Preparations & A Writing Sabbatical

Often I sit in my "writing chair" (aka: the cuddler recliner I stole from my husband), the place where stories are formed and words are strung together to take on new meaning, soaking in moments of solitude when the only movements left in the house are those made by sleeping beauties.

Today, I sit alone at my breakfast table (aka: dining table, craft table, game table) reflecting on the last five months and peeking into tomorrow. 

And listening for divine direction.

After years of being a stay at home mom, I am now in the middle of my pursuit of a degree in teaching.  This past semester proved to be difficult and challenging, perhaps of my own doing, as I wrestled -once again- with the famous question "Is this it?"  And with the current education dilemma in our state and the loss of 59 jobs in our school district alone, I have decided to take a step back and re-evaluate this plan.

I know I am called to ministry.  Have my education pursuits been but a distraction to a higher calling?

I have just recently allowed myself to say "I am a writer."  I know this is part of the ministry God has called me to. Should I focus all my efforts here and not register for school in the Fall?

After having our own home based business for five years, a decrease in contracts resulting in financial pressures caused my husband to return to work for "the man" in November of last year.  Should I also look for a part-time or even full-time job outside of our home?

I am believing these questions will be answered over the next few months.  I am following God's leading and attending a Writer's Conference, as most of you know, in July.  I am going expecting and anticipating great things, but most of all, to hear Him speak to me.  I will be gathering knowledge, meeting with publishers and editors and connecting with other writers and women who feel called to ministry.  By faith, I will come home armed and ready to go where He says to go, speak what He says to speak, and do what He says to do! 

Please say a prayer for me. :)

I am spending this weekend away with my mom and sister for my sister's birthday.  My return will mark the beginning of a 30 day research and writing sabbatical as I prepare for the conference.

What's going on in your neck of the woods?  Have any of these questions haunted you lately? :)  Is there anything I can pray with you about?

Establish my steps and direct them by [means of] Your word... Psalm 119:133a

Limitations, Plane Tickets & Sponsorship Info :)

I often hear and read articles about how to go beyond limitations put on us by other people.  This is true...people do place limits, restrictions and unhealthy boundaries on us (according to their own ideals and convictions)  if we allow them to.  And they can have a profound effect on our destiny.  But what about the limits we place on ourselves?

I was reading a post the other morning about how we compare ourselves to other people.  I believe this is one of the ways we can put limits on our own God-given potential.  We look at what God is doing in another person's life instead of what He is wanting to do in our own.

We cannot compare our calling to someone else's.  The plans and purposes God has for us may be similar to another, but are unique to the gifts He has placed on the inside of each of us.

If what you feel God has called you to do seems impossible, it's because it is.  If we could do something in our own strength how could He receive the glory?  When we look to and rely on Him for the tools and equipment needed to complete the task He has placed before us, the pressure to perform and impress and succeed and be the star of the show....disappears.  It is not about us anyway.

If I allow my feelings and insecurities to dictate or give orders, I will never even begin my assignment.

If I allow past failures, people's opinions of me, or negative thoughts to speak louder than the Truth (God), I will stay where I am. 

As you know, I am making plans to attend my first writer's conference this July.  I feel like this is part of my next step in ministry and am stepping out in faith to follow Him.

Last week, after applying for and not winning two scholarships (among some other discouragement that tried to sneak in), I began to question if I was "good enough" to even go to the conference (enter negative thoughts, peoples opinions, insecurities...).

Are you kidding me?

Of course, I'm not "good enough" at anything!  Isn't that what faith is all about?  Isn't that what makes the impossible such a miracle when it happens? 

I am not good enough.  But because of Jesus - what He has done, Who He is and what He has placed in my hands - that which is impossible for me (and for you) becomes possible in Him.

Purpose to take the limits and restrictions off.  God is wanting to bring His people (you) out of obscurity and use them (you) in strategic, new ways.  We must hear His voice over all the distractions and noise that would try to prevent us and keep us from His plans and purposes (which are far greater than ours).

So, I am going to purchase my plane ticket to North Carolina (She Speaks Conference) within the next two weeks and there will be no turning back!

I am currently raising funds for my registrations fees.  Proverbs 31 has provided a sponsorship letter to help raise support....you can find it here if you feel God leading you to help me with this next step.

And thank you, always, for your encouraging words! 

God has great plans, friends!  Believe for the impossible!  Let us hear what the Lord is saying and obey.

Six Words

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. ~Proverbs 19:21

I could write a book on all the plans I have made for myself and all the times I've tried to figure things out on my own.

In fact, I am writing that book :)

But for now, I'm entering another chance for a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference in July to attend the Writer's Track.  Our assignment was to write a story IN SIX WORDS and post it on our blog as well as the blog hosting the contest She Reads  (You can enter, too!).

So what's my story in six words?

Over-planned and Unfulfilled.  Finding His Rhythm.

I'm walking it out.

And He's working.

Messy places and all.

All my planning has left me tired and unfulfilled.   I'm finding His rhythm....one grace at a time.

***************************************
Not sure what the She Speaks Conference is all about?  Hop on over and check it out!  And if you decide to go, maybe I'll see ya there! :)

He Knows Me Better

It is easy to look back over the course of one's life and see God's hand at work.  His supernatural intervention.  Divine direction.  Loving (and much needed) correction. Footprints in the sand.

But often, in the midst of our right now, the center of our present circumstances, "seeing" God at work can prove to be a difficult task.

Perhaps, that is why it is called faith.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1

September 2007 marked the end of a season for me.  It also signaled the beginning of a new season.  Little did I know that this "beginning" would contain another season and level of preparation....not quite the beginning I had imagined.  But God knows me better than I know myself.

As I continue this "faith forward" journey, I find comfort in knowing that He is leading me, He is walking beside me, and He is behind me nudging me along.

"You hem me in behind and before, and You lay Your hand upon me..." Psalm 139:5

I would probably mess things up anyway.

He knows me better than I know myself.  His timing is perfect.  And His plans are so much greater than mine.

Wherever you are today, don't lose heart. Remind yourself that you are not alone. Have faith to continue your journey...and take pleasure in You companion.

*********************

In my post from last week, Stepping Out of the Boat, I shared my excitement about registering (by faith!) for the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina, July 22-24.  You can read my post here if you missed it. :)

I said that to say this...

I received an email today from my blogger friend, Stacy (go ahead - click on her link - you'll be glad you did), letting me know about a scholarship opportunity on Lysa Terkheurst's blog.  If I win, my entire registration fee will be paid, leaving just my travel and miscellaneous expenses.  There are lots of ladies signing up - read about them here on Lysa's page.  And if you are considering attending the conference and need a little help, go sign up, girlfriend!!

Once again, you can get the 411 on the conference on the She Speaks website or by clicking the She Speaks button on my sidebar.

My good deed for the day: I've provided you lots of links and reading material - now get going! :)

Happy Tuesday, my friends...

Stepping Out of the Boat

I did it.

I registered for my first Writer's Conference  (See button on my right side bar).

You may be thinking "What's the big deal?" 

But seriously, it was (and is) a huge, huge deal to me. 

A leap of faith.

A beginning of beginnings.

After completing the registration form, I sat at my computer with my finger on the submit button for about 30 minutes. I nervously tapped the button ever so lightly while still contemplating whether or not to send it and ...oops...done!  Guess my tapping carries a little more weight than I know.

So, why the big deal, you ask?

• In choosing my sessions, I selected to participate in a Writer's Peer Critique group. This. is. a. little. scary.
• We have been on a tight budget the last 6 months (plus I'm in school full time) so the conference fee (and plane ticket) doesn't exactly fit in.  But I am confident that I heard from God and am supposed to be there, so I know He will provide.  In fact, I have already received news of an unexpected $348.00!!  He never ceases to amaze me.
• Did I mention someone will be critiquing my writing??!
• Although I am a social person, I am having some anxiety about the large number of women who will be there that I do not know  (Not to mention there are going to be some amazing writers and speakers there!).
• Flying is not my favorite method of transportation.

(I have a friend who may be going...this will make things a little easier! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!)



Despite these hesitations, I just know it is a step in the right direction for me.  I will share later some confirming words that God  has given me over the last few weeks.

Please pray for me as I step out of the boat that I will keep my eyes on Him!  (And if you hear a gurgling sound, throw me a life saver...)

Have you considered going?  It would be an honor to meet my blogging friends in person. :)

If you're not sure of the details....you can read my last blog post about it here.

Oh, one last thing.....my plan was to go to this conference last year but it didn't work out...in fact, I never even registered....

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. ~Proverbs 19:21

Is there anything I can pray about for you or with you?

Have an amazing weekend, my friends!!

~Shelly

She Speaks Conference 2011

So, I just added a new button to my sidebar! Isn't it pretty?! :) 

I did not get to attend this conference last year, but I'm hoping this is the year it all works out!  I'm stepping out in faith and starting to plan! :)  More info on the conference (speakers, sessions, etc) is supposed to be released next week.


My plan is to register for the Writer's track and also attend a Speaker bonus session (if they have those again this year).  It will be amazing to connect with some other women with similar aspirations and desires.  I know God has called me to share my story and my faith (as He has YOU) and this conference seems like a great place to gather some knowledge and information to help me take the next step.

If you haven't heard of this conference, be sure to check it out on their website!  Oh, I forgot to mention that it is a part of Proverbs 31 Ministries. :)  Lots of encouragement coming from these ladies!

Think you might go?  If so, let me know!

(And if you have any extra frequent flyer miles laying around....)

*hugs*

Shelly