The Boys Bathed in the Mud That Morning

(My little blog has been severely neglected lately, as I am working (again) on my book that will one day (by faith) be published. I miss this space, and all of you. :) Thought I would take a break to post tonight and say hello.)

It was Spring Break and the boys bathed in the mud that morning. They also peppered the living room and hallway with forgotten toys and left-over crumbs from their microwaved lunch. But as I stared at the carton of chocolate delight all I could think about was surprising them with a double-decker, Rocky Road, waffle ice cream cone.

I walked outside and there they sat. Dirty and right in the middle of a home-made fort, built with broken pieces of outdoor furniture, leftover lumber, and any salvageable yard debris they could find.

My heart was giddy as my hands carefully held their dripping surprises behind my back. Certain my smile would give me away I tried to make small talk on the way to their newly constructed site.

"Whatcha doing, guys?"

"We're just sitting in our fort."

"That's a nice fort. How about an ice cream break?"

Their eyes lit up when met with chocolate bliss and a gasp of happiness escaped their eight and nine year old mouths.

My heart overflowed in the midst of their messes.

Isn't that how God is? He finds us dirty, sitting broken and scrounging for leftovers. And He finds joy in blessing. His Father heart desires to surprise us with extravagant gifts. Showing up when we least expect Him, He offers grace and opens mercy in the morning.

God sees you.

No matter where you are or what is going on, He knows.

And His heart overflows with love FOR YOU.

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Nineteen and Pregnant: Twenty-One Years Later

White walls, hard chairs, forms to fill out, questions to answer, and a small fee if you could afford it. Our state-run health clinic wasn't very busy that day.

I remember sitting, my hands covering my face. A few months ago I graduated third in my high school class. I was in my first semester of college. I was 19. And I was pregnant.

Last week my husband and I celebrated twenty-one years of marriage. Our hearts are bigger, our pride is smaller, and our commitment more resolute than it has ever been.

This journey has not always been easy.

And when your matrimonial bliss begins at nineteen and three months pregnant with child, it takes faith to see a happy ending. It takes courage to keep going and it takes God in all things.

My friend, Warren, wrote a post this week titled "Unnecessary Burdens." In his post, Warren talks about all the things we accumulate and acquire during our marriage, during our lifetime together. But he also commented that a successful marriage "is not just a matter of accumulating; it is a matter of letting go, too."

I know a little about letting go. We both do.

We had to let go of some strange ideas we had about marriage, some crazy expectations we had of each other, and a lot of baggage we both brought into our new life together.

And honestly, there are things we have to let go of and forgive everyday.

Little (and BIG) annoyances, offenses, imperfections, frustrations, unreal expectations, failures, disappointments, mistakes....

There is an idea that things, people, relationships can be perfect.

In this imperfect world, there is an illusion of perfection.
But the truth is, nothing in this world is perfect. No matter how good we are, we can't be perfect.
We mess up, we make mistakes, we fall short. And so do our spouses.

When Shawn and I found out (very quickly) that marriage was hard work we had some decisions to make. We had to decide if we were going to take seriously the vows we spoke before God. We had to decide to ignore the criticism and shame and negative words hurled at us from others because of our imperfect beginning. We had to decide if we were willing to put forth the effort it would take to continue our journey together. We had to decide to forgive. Over and over and over again. And we had to decide daily to put God first.

We've crawled through valleys, slammed bedroom doors, trudged through wildernesses, screamed unkind words, climbed over mountains, cried our eyes out, and even turned our backs on God. But we always ended up on our knees, surrendered to the One whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses...to the One whose blood washes our sins white as snow, to the One who knew us in our darkest places and loved us still.

The secret to our success? It's Him.

He gets all the credit and all the glory for our twenty-one years of marriage. We stand in awe of His mercy and grace. We stand amazed at His unconditional love. And we marvel at His forgiveness.

He never gives up on us, so we choose not to give up on each other.

I look forward to pouring out more of our story here on these pages in the future.

“Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.” (1 John 3:16)

Matthew 19:4-6 He answered, ”Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said,’Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

When the Job is Too Big

Photo Credit: Tin Bucket Photography

It's so hard when the very thing with which you are encouraging and counseling others slaps you right in the face. (I thought I had this all worked out?) And immediately the accusations come and bring their friends...feelings of unworthiness and the thought that God must have gotten me mixed up with someone else more together or more "spiritual."

Do you ever feel like a big, fat nothing? A nobody? A complete failure? Like, who am I kidding and what am I doing?

It seems like every time I start on a project (article, devotional, study, etc), I immediately feel unworthy and inadequate...ill-equipped to successfully complete the task before me. Sometimes it feels too big and out of my league. I am, after all, just a small town country girl who got pregnant before marriage, never finished college, has piles of laundry, occasionally yells at her kids and gets mad at her husband.

It's so tempting to say, "No, I can't do this."

But I know God has another plan. And He IS all-sufficient and more than adequate and overly equipped...and He will equip me and you to do whatever it is He has called us to do. No matter how many times we fail or how many times we sigh the sigh of frustration or cover our face in anguish or clench our fists or lay prostrate in desperation...He is there to pick us up and hold our hand and take us to that place of refuge and restoration. Again, and again, and again.

In our stretching, in our enlarging, in our growing...often we break open, spilling and exposing junk that has been there all along but covered and hidden and deceiving. It feels good (to our pride) to think we have arrived...we are among the spiritually elite (whatever that means). But, really, none of us have made it, nor will we until we meet our Savior face to face.

We are all on a journey to becoming.

Are you overwhelmed or frustrated or discouraged today? Do you feel like God must have made a mistake because the job is just too big? Do you feel like you have messed up one too many times and you're now disqualified?

You are not alone, friend.

You are not the only one who gets tricked into believing these lies from time to time.

God does not measure our worth the way we measure ourselves or determine our value by our accomplishments, education, past mistakes, or other people's opinions of us.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

For 2011, I had a word for the year: Fearless.

For 2012, I have a scripture. It fits well in this post and my life.

And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18.

As we continue to peek inside the Word of God and allow Him to reveal things, expose things, purge things...our journey of transformation continues. Our lives are living, breathing testimonies of what He can do when we cannot. Of what He can forgive when we fail. Of what He can do in His strength when we feel like we are going to pass out from weakness. Of what He can do when the job really is too big for us, because it usually is...and I think He planned it that way.

When you mess up, don't disqualify or count yourself out. Your Father doesn't.


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ~Jeremiah 29:11.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding ~Proverbs 3:5.


The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the [whole] person; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple ~ Psalm 19:7.

Prayer:

Thank you, God, that no matter how many times I mess up, You do not disqualify me. You are taking my blemishes and scars and wounds and traditions and unbelief and restoring my whole person. You have plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future. Help me to lean on, trust in, and be confident in You with all my heart and all my mind. Thank You for mercy and grace on this journey of transformation. I am a big fat nothing without You, but with You I am a daughter of the King. All praise and honor and glory to You, my God.

How Did That Grow There?



In my hurried state, I step over it, never glancing down to confirm its existence.


But he, six and very aware, focuses in on the lone weed trespassing on the pavement.


"Mom, how did that grow there?"


Turning around I notice the obvious subject of his question.  Hard and rough, the asphalt lies bare except for this intruder that has somehow found its being where it should have been impossible to grow.  Tall and proud and boldly declaring that it belongs here.


I consider his question and know that God will speak in the answer.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


Our Pastor has been preaching boldly the last three weeks on sin in the church, in the lives of Christians.  According to published polls and statistics there is not much difference in the lives of Christians and the lives of non-Christians in areas such as divorce, adultery, drug and alcohol abuse, pornography, teen sex and pretty much anything else you can think of.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


When I consider my own life and the struggles and strongholds present - no matter how small or how great - I hear my son's question once again...


"How did that grow there?"


In my hurried state, perhaps I have stepped over some weeds and neglected to confirm their existence, but to deny or ignore their existence doesn't mean they are not there.


Help me, Lord, to slow down and recognize those things that are not pleasing to You.  Search me and and show me the cracks in my foundation.  Rain down your mercy and grace and give me wisdom to repair.  Let my life be pleasing to You, revealing Your character in me, sharing You love with those around me. 


"Search me, O God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a


"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14


"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10


"Nevertheless, the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: "The Lord knows those who are His," and "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity." 2 Timothy 2:19

What's That Smell?

There are no words to describe what I found in my refrigerator this week.

Hidden way in the back, growing in secret, changing colors until it was no longer identifiable, and smelling really bad.

Really, really bad.

In fact, the smell is what prompted my investigation.

I take pride in my house smelling good, so when Child #3 opened the fridge and unleashed an odor not so fresh and lovely, I knew there was an intruder.

My DH gets frustrated with me for putting leftovers in the fridge.  I always do it with the best of intentions, but we rarely eat them.

And sometimes something gets pushed to the back, and we forget.

Until we get an unpleasant reminder...

It's time to clean out the fridge.

Armed with Chlorox Clean-Up and a large trash bag, I set out to remove anything that looked suspicious.

Isn't it funny how God can speak to us in the oddest of times and places?

As I considered the unidentifiable, smelly, mystery food item hidden in the back corner of the refrigerator, my spiritual ears began to tingle.

How often do we have issues (sins) that we set aside for a later time and forget about them?  Unresolved conflict, offenses, doubt, unconfessed sin, unforgiveness, addictions, lies, anger...all get pushed to the back, out of sight, but eventually they begin to stink.

The fact is, the longer we ignore them, the worse they become.

Is your relationship with Jesus not as intimate as it once was?  Have apathy and complacency taken the place of the abundant life promised in the Bible? 

Maybe it's time to clean out the refrigerator.

In addressing the lukewarm church in Revelation 3, Jesus encourages believers (yes, believers) to repent.  Verse 19 says "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.  Therefore be zealous and repent."

Notice we are to not only repent, but to do it with zeal: eager desire; enthusiastic diligence; passion!

We should so eagerly desire His presence, that we become passionate to repent.

Our cry for revival is futile without repentance.  How can God dwell among a people harboring hidden sins, self-seeking and unwilling to lay everything down for the sake of the Gospel?

Jesus continues in verses 20-22, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

Let us hear what He is saying to the church. 

To us.

If we are neither hot nor cold and remain in our current state, Jesus says He will spit us out of His mouth  (v.16).

Search our hearts, O God.

Search our souls.

Shine Your light and reveal those hidden things that are keeping us from You and You from us.   We long for the fullness of Your glory!  Purify our hearts, cleanse us from iniquity, forgive us our sins...that we might dwell in Your presence...that You might dwell with us. 

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Chapters 7 & 8

(Because I am reviewing two chapters at once, my discussion for each chapter will be shorter than normal. There is no way to possibly include everything from each chapter, without rewriting the whole chapter!  But, if you have the book, I encourage you to take time with each chapter and allow God to speak to you concerning whatever topic is presented.)

Chapter 7 Vulnerability: The Secret Side of Strength

My flesh and my heart may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

In chapter 7, Paula points out that when we think of being a strong woman, vulnerability is surely not the first thing that comes to mind.  But it is, in fact, "the secret side of strength."


"To be vulnerable is to voluntarily place yourself, for the sake of a larger purpose, in a situation that could bring pain. You see something at stake - your own spiritual growth or someone else's - and you are willing to risk your heart in a vulnerable way."


This is definitely not the "strength" that is modeled in the world today.


But when we consider Jesus, we find a different model.......


Questions 3 and 4 of our study guide in the back of our book:


3. Christ came in the utmost vulnerability, laying aside His true splendor and beauty.  Through His vulnerability and suffering God makes His power known. (Read Isaiah 53:2-3)  What about His chosen vulnerability most touches you?


4.  What's amazing is that Isaiah also shares the inner life of Jesus- how He felt in the midst of it all. What do you see as the secret of His strength?

"For the Lord God helps Me, therefore, I am not disgraced;

Therefore, I have set My face like flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.

He who vindicated me is near...Behold, the Lord God helps Me;

Who is he who condemns Me?"

Isaiah 50:7-8,9

When we take the time to share our heart with others, make our story known, then God is able to make His power known through us.   But the truth is, sometimes we can't share our heart because all too often, our heart is what gets pushed to the side in our busy lives, making it unfamiliar territory.

In the section on Discovering Your Heart, pgs 94-98, Paula encourages journaling and quiet time (solitude) to help us get to know our own heart.  I agree!  She states that "it is incredible to see the way feelings and conclusions you did not know you even had slip out the end of a pencil!" :)  So, dust off your journal that you got for your last birthday........

"The strength of vulnerability is the fire of a tender heart that forges steel in the soul.  As difficult as it is to life with a vulnerable heart, it is far easier than camping out behind a facade."

Paula also addresses vulnerability in relationships all throughout this chapter.  "We don't mend each other's brokenness, we admit our needs and let that draw us to each other and to God."

Chapter 8: Forgiveness: Experiencing a Heart Set Free

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.   Hebrews 12:15

Another good chapter.....remember if you have the book, don't limit yourself to reading just what I post.  There is so much more in the book! :)

I'm just going to list a few of my favorite quotes from this chapter.....

pg. 109....Unforgiveness probably looks like  "...a dark, sticky cement that shuts down my heart, piece by little piece, and turns it into something as hard as stone......There is less of me to offer others, less of me that can really respond to God."  This really got my attention.....less of me that can really respond to God....

pg. 110...."Fundamentally, we forgive because in Christ, we have been forgiven.  The arms that embrace us are wide enough to embrace those who hurt us - and those we have hurt as well."

"A harbored wrong can control a life.  It becomes what we feed off of, and we feel full of  - occasionally even happy in our misery - but we are full of awful stuff."

On pg 113, she compares the heart to a garden that requires tending. "A root of bitterness is so potent it will invade other people's gardens, and worst of all, it will choke the grace of God in my life."

pg. 114...."The problem, so to speak, is that forgiveness offends our basic sense of justice.  If we've been really hurt by someone we love, some voice in the core of our soul screams, 'It's not fair.  This is not right.'"

pg. 115...."Recompense is an Old Testament word that acknowledges there is truly a debt to be paid......The idea behind recompense is that God knows the injustice we feel.  It offends Him far more than it does us.  And He is offering to repay the debt Himself - in His way and His time."  (Kind of goes back to our chapter on trust!.....)

pg 117 ...."Forgiveness is about looking the pain straight in the eye and saying, 'God is bigger than this.'"

pg. 122..."We are such broken people - all of us, both victim and agent - standing in need of the grace of God."

pg. 123..."The reality of being forgiven means that we, of all people, have the freedom to admit when we are wrong."

Questions 4 and 5 from our study guide (pg. 222 - 223)

4.  One passage I've turned to through the years is the story that Jesus told Peter when he wanted to be able to forgive seven times and no more.  Take a few minutes to let yourself sink into the feelings that ricochet through the story of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:21-35.   At what point in the story do you feel the weight of what you owe God? What kind of effect does the awareness of a cancelled debt have on you?

5.  How would you complete this sentence:  I want to forgive, but the thing that holds me back is........

Again, this is sooooo much in these two chapters!  There's no way I could cover it all here!  As I've said before, this will be a book that I read again and again and again.  What spoke to you the most concerning vulnerability and forgiveness?

Angie and Jessica over at The Bloom Book Club posted Chapter 5 on Monday.....click here to read there discussion and watch the video!

XO

Shelly

Share Your Story!

I think one of the biggest obstacles that we face in pursuing our relationship with God and operating in the ministry that He has called us to is letting go of our past. For me personally, there was a lot of regret, shame, and guilt over things that I had done or things I had neglected to do. Past failures, mistakes, and disappointments that we have never let go of have a tendency to hide in the cracks and crevices of our heart, resurfacing at strategic times to bring condemnation or convince us that we can never go beyond where we are. If allowed, our mind can paint images of ourselves that are far from how God sees us.  If we do not know the truth, we will succomb to the lies that are meant to hold us captive and prevent us from fulfilling our destiny.


In and of myself, no matter how "good" I am, I can never be good enough to deserve what Jesus has done for me. Even though I always make better choices than I did when I was away from God, self occasionally tries (and succeeds) to rise up with selfishness, greed, pride, bad attitude....you know the ones! ....like when I totally blow it with my kids or say things to my husband out of hurt that I can't take back. I always feel like a real winner when that happens. I have learned that if when I mess up, I just need to take a deep breath, step back, be quick to ask for forgiveness, and start over. I even try to use those moments as opportunties for teaching and growing.


Imperfect in all my ways, there is One who emcompasses all that I was created to be, One who possesses all the qualities and charactersitics that I long to reflect. God, in all His majesty.....Jesus, perfect in every way....Holy Spirit, comforter and so much more.....3, yet One. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. He Who knew me before I was in my mother's womb (Jer. 1:5), He Who thinks good thoughts toward me (Jer. 29:11), He Who is love (1 Jn 4:9).... loves me!


I continually remind myself what God says about me, who He says I am, and that He has good things in store for me. As I do this, just as the sun rises every morning forcing the darkness to hide or lose its existence, so does the hope that is on the inside of me - rising to dispell any negative thoughts or discouragement that may have crept in. I remind myself that my Father's love is unconditional. Immersing myself in His presence, I see how beautiful He is and become unaware of anything else, because nothing else matters in this moment. His grace falls like rain, covering every inch of my being.


My past is who I was, not who I am, but it will always be part of my testimony. We each have a story to share, telling of obstacles we have overcome, lifestyles that have been changed and all the grace, mercy, forgiveness, love and goodness of God that came with it! And everytime we share our story, it not only has the ability to set someone else free, but it helps us to continue to overcome the enemy in our own life and strengthens our faith.


"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" (Revelation 12:11).


Within each day lies the opportunity to embrace or reject the path that has been set before us.  Our lives cross so many people who have no hope and do not know that there is One Who loves them more than any other.  Look for the opportunity to encourage someone today. Let them know what God has done in your life. Use your story, your testimony.  Don't allow your past to determine your future.....use your past to go forward and step into the ministry God has called you to!


"Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses" (I Timothy 6:12).