Transformed

Though my doctor delivered a bad report and breathed out uncertainty, my God breathed life and spoke promises that couldn't be broken. I heard His voice that day on the floor of my bedroom. "I have already taken care of it," He said. And with those words my spirit rejoiced and my heart believed.

Those few months at the end of my third and last pregnancy marked the beginning of a transformation for me. After a diagnosis of melanoma, life was suddenly more precious and each day demanded celebration of the goodness of God all around me. But in the midst of celebration I was required to change. Moving forward required a thorough evaluation of every area of my life. Without change there can be no growth.

From September to December of that year I took the first steps of leaving behind a life of pleasing others and satisfying self and embraced this God I had almost forgotten.

I found  myself in the middle of a crisis but really I had been in dangerous territory for some time.

As the doctor revealed my physical condition God exposed my spiritual condition.

Eight years later my transformation continues. I still hear whispers of the enemy and feel the pull of temptation to cram my schedule so full that God gets squeezed out. And I sometimes still feel the need to seek the approval of man at the expense of pleasing God.

But I remember that place. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and overwhelming anxiety and the fear that I could never do enough or never be good enough.

And I refuse to go back there.

Instead, I continue pressing forward, facing self and pride and lies of the enemy and sin head on, determined to live in communion with my Father. To know Him and to be known by Him.

I am amazed at His love and His mercy and His grace. I am thankful that He took me right where I was and loved me enough to refuse permission to stay there.

Our current Bible study has been challenging us to once again look within and allow God to change and transform us from the inside out. All week our focus has been transformation and change. And this morning our Pastor used our memory verse (Romans 12:2) as the center of his message. And the familiarity of his words brought me to my knees at the end of the service. "In transformational holiness God's voice begins to pierce through all the distractions and craziness of the world. It is here we begin to know His perfect will for our lives," Pastor James Holt.

I love how God confirms His message everywhere we go. If we are seeking Him, we shall surely find Him.

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 Corinthians 3:18

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

(PS...My biopsy results from last week were clear! Thank you for your prayers!)

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Joining with Melissa Taylor and a community of women as we seek God and His word in our current Online Bible Study: Stressed - Less Living by Tracie Miles.

When the Job is Too Big

Photo Credit: Tin Bucket Photography

It's so hard when the very thing with which you are encouraging and counseling others slaps you right in the face. (I thought I had this all worked out?) And immediately the accusations come and bring their friends...feelings of unworthiness and the thought that God must have gotten me mixed up with someone else more together or more "spiritual."

Do you ever feel like a big, fat nothing? A nobody? A complete failure? Like, who am I kidding and what am I doing?

It seems like every time I start on a project (article, devotional, study, etc), I immediately feel unworthy and inadequate...ill-equipped to successfully complete the task before me. Sometimes it feels too big and out of my league. I am, after all, just a small town country girl who got pregnant before marriage, never finished college, has piles of laundry, occasionally yells at her kids and gets mad at her husband.

It's so tempting to say, "No, I can't do this."

But I know God has another plan. And He IS all-sufficient and more than adequate and overly equipped...and He will equip me and you to do whatever it is He has called us to do. No matter how many times we fail or how many times we sigh the sigh of frustration or cover our face in anguish or clench our fists or lay prostrate in desperation...He is there to pick us up and hold our hand and take us to that place of refuge and restoration. Again, and again, and again.

In our stretching, in our enlarging, in our growing...often we break open, spilling and exposing junk that has been there all along but covered and hidden and deceiving. It feels good (to our pride) to think we have arrived...we are among the spiritually elite (whatever that means). But, really, none of us have made it, nor will we until we meet our Savior face to face.

We are all on a journey to becoming.

Are you overwhelmed or frustrated or discouraged today? Do you feel like God must have made a mistake because the job is just too big? Do you feel like you have messed up one too many times and you're now disqualified?

You are not alone, friend.

You are not the only one who gets tricked into believing these lies from time to time.

God does not measure our worth the way we measure ourselves or determine our value by our accomplishments, education, past mistakes, or other people's opinions of us.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

For 2011, I had a word for the year: Fearless.

For 2012, I have a scripture. It fits well in this post and my life.

And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18.

As we continue to peek inside the Word of God and allow Him to reveal things, expose things, purge things...our journey of transformation continues. Our lives are living, breathing testimonies of what He can do when we cannot. Of what He can forgive when we fail. Of what He can do in His strength when we feel like we are going to pass out from weakness. Of what He can do when the job really is too big for us, because it usually is...and I think He planned it that way.

When you mess up, don't disqualify or count yourself out. Your Father doesn't.


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ~Jeremiah 29:11.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding ~Proverbs 3:5.


The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the [whole] person; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple ~ Psalm 19:7.

Prayer:

Thank you, God, that no matter how many times I mess up, You do not disqualify me. You are taking my blemishes and scars and wounds and traditions and unbelief and restoring my whole person. You have plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future. Help me to lean on, trust in, and be confident in You with all my heart and all my mind. Thank You for mercy and grace on this journey of transformation. I am a big fat nothing without You, but with You I am a daughter of the King. All praise and honor and glory to You, my God.

Unworthy but Invited to Come

One by one- secret chambers of my heart are being opened, a light shining into the darkest of corners...exposing that which was hidden even from myself. I can hear a gentle knocking, the Lord calling me to Himself.  The closer I come, the more of me that spills out, revealing things binding me to this place.  Pride, selfish desires and ambitions, unforgiveness, neglect, careless words.  Unworthy to even say His name, yet chosen and asked to come.


Asked to come closer. 


He is calling us to Himself. 

As we submit to His leading and answer His call to come closer, our sins are exposed, idols are identified and strongholds are revealed. In this place of refining, this place where the impurities rise to the top and are scooped away by the Master, the heat is intense and the pressure is extreme but the process is necessary.

One of my spiritual mentors, Dale Gentry, sent this prophetic word out in an email recently:


Prophetic Word for 6-13-11
I hear the Holy Spirit saying, "Come away with me to your secret place (prayer place). Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. Come and sit with me in heavenly places. More than anything else I want your time, your undivided attention. To begin with, you will hear many distracting voices, but eventually you will only hear my voice. A voice that says,THIS IS THE WAY, WALK IN IT."


The Holy Spirit has been speaking this to me for some time now.  Our hearts have been divided and distracted with too many things. 


Do not resist the urging to come closer.  Jesus is preparing His bride for Himself. 

When all of me is stripped away, I pray that the only thing left is Him.  His character, His love, His mercy. 

Let us step away from all the distractions, open our hearts to listen and find Him in the secret place. As we draw closer to Him, change and transformation are inevitable.

But whenever a person turns [in repentance] to the Lord, the veil is stripped off and taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom). And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. ~2 Corinthians 3:16-18



Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ~Jeremiah 29:13

More of you, Lord, less of me.

Ruin is the Road to Transformation

In my subconscious quest to find meaning in most everything, unravel the mysteries of why/why not, or capture a lesson in living, I often hear a word or phrase that kidnaps my thoughts and holds them hostage for a time.

Tonight, my captor existed in 6 words:

"Ruin is the road to transformation."
(from the book and movie Eat, Pray, Love)

And I couldn't resist the urge to study out some of the words a bit further.

RUIN
*Definition - situation of devastation
*Synonyms - bankruptcy, breakdown, collapse, confusion, crumbling, failure, the end, undoing, decay
*Antonyms - growth, development, building

TRANSFORMATION
*Definition - complete change
*Synonyms - about-face, conversion, renewal, radical change, revolution, shift, flip-flop
*Antonyms - preservation, sameness, stagnation

*from dictionary.com

RUIN IS THE ROAD TO TRANSFORMATION....

Holding these 6 words together is the hope that somehow something beautiful, something good, will arise from the ashes of destruction in one's life.  That out of confusion, out of our undoing or yet another failure, we might become stronger, more courageous, more....

With 2010 ending and the New Year approaching, it is not unusual for me (and I would guess most of you) to evaluate the past twelve months and imagine what the future holds. I find myself asking what can I do to improve or make better myself and the circumstances that surround me.  What did or didn't work and what can I do differently?

And of course, always at the forefront of my wondering is how can I draw closer to God and step toward fulfilling my destiny.  Because without Him, my life has no meaning and I have no purpose, no hope.

With all of this swimming around in my mind, the above mentioned phrase seemed to pounce on me the instant I heard it.

What things in my life currently lay in ruin? 

Where is there confusion, crumbling, failure, decay...an undoing?  In what areas am I lacking growth?

Although 2010 has had it's challenges for me, there has been nothing tragic or catastrophic to alter my course.    My faith has been stretched and I have had to trust God in areas where I was still trusting myself or my husband.  I am still learning to let go of control.  He is prying one finger loose at a time.  Can you see my white knuckles? :)

There are places, though, where my growth has been stagnant or unchanging.  And there are always areas I need renewal.

Maybe your ruins are a bit more extreme.  Maybe you have walked through the fire this year. 

Maybe you are there now.

RUIN IS THE ROAD TO TRANSFORMATION.

Allow God to take you from that place of ruin and raise up something good.  Don't let it be the end of you, let it be the beginning of a transformation in your life, a drawing closer to your Savior, a way to minister to and help others, even in your pain.

Some struggles or trials that we go through are intended to harm us, meant for evil.  But God can turn them around and use them for good  (Genesis 50:20-21).  During these times, our character can be proven or exposed.  Layers of pride that keep us from experiencing God's best can be peeled away.  And a way, where there seems to be no way, can be paved for God to do the miraculous on our behalf, showing forth His glory in our lives.

I am expecting good things in 2011.  I am expecting victory in areas where I need victory and strength to overcome obstacles that have blocked or hindered forward progress.  I know that I can't make things happen apart from God nor would I want to, but I also know that I can and must play a part.  Like my last blog post, I must find my place near Him.  I pray that the areas of my spiritual life that have been stagnant or unchanging this past year would be awakened and renewed.  I pray that where there has been confusion, God will bring clarity and give me the courage to step forward into the plans He has for me.

And I pray for you...that whatever it is that lay ruin in your life will be the road to transformation in 2011.  Set aside some time to seek the heart of God and His will, His plans and His purposes for your life.  He knew you before you were even in your mother's womb  (Jeremiah 1:5). And His plans for you are not to harm you, but to give you a future and a hope!  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Join with me in looking ahead with great expectation for 2011!