Confession #2: An Airbrushed Photo & Self-Promoting

It seems I've opened a can of worms with this confession thing.  Unthinkingly naming my last post Confession #1, I have distinctly implied that there must be a #2.  And I know you've been anxiously awaiting  (A girl can humor herself...especially at 5:30 am okay?).

Here goes...

In preparation for She Speaks, I read many articles, several of which said it would be good to have business cards with a photo on them to hand out to publishers, agents, women's ministry leaders, etc. so they could put a face to the name (if they were interested).  So, I solicited help from my personal photographer, my sister.  She's good....reeaall gooood. Did you know you could erase wrinkles in Photoshop? Lucky for me.  Or unlucky?  What happens when I meet the girls at the conference and they are expecting the airbrushed photo?  Sorry girls.  I'm preparing you for reality.

Also, I've had a really hard time ordering the business cards with my picture on them.  Just like every time I post my writer page on facebook asking people to "like" me.  I'm getting a little weary of seeing my own face so much (even if it is wrinkle free). This self-promotion thing is for the birds.  But I am slowly learning...and I am hoping for wings.

One last thing...I am learning to live beyond fear.  Speaking of birds and wings, I told my mom a few weeks ago that I felt like God was pushing me out of the nest.  She reminded me of a book we studied a while back with the Bloom Book Club (Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart) and I thought I'd share some quotes in case anyone else heading to the conference is a little ...well...you know.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom. ~Anais Nin

Fear is truly the enemy of passion and a roadblock to the wisdom God would give us. ~Paula Rinehart

Because real risking in faith can occur only in those areas of life where we feel most impoverished and vulnerable, it never becomes something we are really comfortable with. For each layer that builds up, another, more challenging risk is offered. True faith choices, therefore, always feel like risks; they just go on, involving deeper and deeper levels of our being. Each choice remains difficult, what really becomes conditioned in this process is simply our willingness and readiness to take the risks of faith.  They never stop feeling like risks.~Paula Rinehart

So this thing we are doing, whether we are doing it confidently or doing it afraid, we must do it.  I am willing to take this risk, this thing that feels like I'm losing my footing, this unknown, this vulnerable, hard, exciting place.  God is surely leading me, and it truly is more painful to stay where I am than to go.  He is my strong tower, my refuge.  In Him will I trust.

Are you facing a real faith risk? Is God requiring something new and challenging of you?

Confession #1

Tonight I sit secluded in my parents' guest room, my mom out of town and my dad asleep on the couch. :)

This week has found me struggling to prepare my book proposal for She Speaks.  And after two days of wrestling - because that's what it has felt like, complete with a sore back and neck - I have put it down for the moment to hear God speak.

He is so patient with me and He is faithful even when I am not.  I can see Him sitting down, leaned back with His arms folded and smiling at me with that look that says, "Whenever you're ready...I'm waiting..."

The ironic thing is as I put pressure on myself to perform and try to perfect this book proposal in my own strength, I am reminded of a line in my summary:

"This book is aimed at women and mothers of all ages struggling to catch their breath in a world that measures success by accomplishments, titles and positions, and worldly gain..."

And then I remember a quote from one of my chapters:

"Our satisfaction and contentment, our peace and security, our joy and fulfillment...come only when the void that screams "More!" is filled with  the One whose name encompasses everything we will ever need."

This week I have taken a detour and filled myself with personal demands and expectations.  For three days I have forgotten my purpose. It is not to publish a book, it is not to attend a writer's conference, and it is not to be perfectly dressed, perfectly prepared or perfectly versed for my elevator pitch.

It is to surrender.

It is to love.

It is to answer when He calls.

It is to allow Him to be perfect in my weakness, to shine through my imperfections and broken places, and to allow Him to speak through the words He inspires me to write silently or say aloud.  If that means publishing a book, awesome.  If not, that's okay, too.

Tonight I surrender and worship and listen.  As Moses cried out in Exodus 33, I, too, want to see His glory.  I, too, want to know He has given me grace for the road ahead.  I, too, want to go only if His presence goes with me.

Is there something you are struggling with right now?  Won't you lay it down and spend time with your Father?  I can see Him sitting down, leaned back with His arms folded and smiling at you with that look that says, "Whenever you're ready...I'm waiting..."