Where I'm From

A few days ago we were challenged with a writing prompt in one of our writer critique groups (TWV2). We were given a template based on George Ella Lyon's poem, "Where I'm From" and encouraged to open memory files from long ago to create a few stanzas about our lives, sharing details and events and pictures to unravel the mystery of our beginning. 


I was going to skip the assignment because I was out of town with friends for the weekend , but had so much fun reading every one's poems that I decided to write my own. (My friends joined in the fun and wrote their own poems, too.)

My attempt:

I am from down by the river, living cane poles and corks bobbing, running trot lines with my dad, capturing crawfish in front yard ditches, and an old aluminum boat.

I am from GT classes, bubblegum prizes in chalk board math races, impromptu speeches and spelling bees, and traveling the world in a fourth grade reading loft.

I am from unfinished closets, peanut butter and syrup sandwiches, falling asleep to the rattle of box fans, family vacations in a one-room tent and RC Cola. From East Texas pine trees, the sweet smell of honey suckles and picking berries against barbed wire fences.

I am from Smiths and Ludwigs, Larry and Martha, Paw Paw Hans and Granny Lucille, Gib and Grandma Nathalie, family-loving, hard-working and selfless sacrifices.

I am from suspicious reindeer tracks on a dirt driveway, milk and cookies for Santa, mom and dad who gave everything, and a Christmas parade in a town of 8000.

I am from school lunches planned and packed with expert care, a wave from the front porch when getting on the bus, pinto beans and rice more than once a week, and digging potatoes in the garden.

I am from rainbow snow cones at Vacation Bible School, Sunday morning specials beside the old Baptist piano, a new church at fourteen, banned rock music and an unknown tongue.

I am from imperfect places and God's grace and the things that matter most. From love, family and a Savior Who died so I could live.

*************************************
I think I may do this more than once.:)  If you decide to try it for yourself, please leave a comment and a link to your post. I would love to read your story.

A Process Begins and Continues

(She Speaks - Part 2)

Messages from this weekend continue to burn in my heart. The sound of 650+ women worshipping together, hands lifted high. The sound of silence and tears shed in the prayer room. Hearts open, fears exposed, spirits connected.

Dreams remembered, vision restored, hope renewed, love rekindled, hearts repaired. So many stories, each unique, found in a chair, head bowed...on a pillow, hands clasped...standing, arms open wide...all for an audience of One.

I hear whispers in this place, softly spoken confessions and requests, that echo my own.

• I'm too old to be starting.
• Is this really what God wants me to do?
• I just don't know.
• I can't.
• How do I juggle everything without neglecting something?
• I don't want to do it without His blessing.
• It's so hard.
• I feel like if I were better....

A process begins and continues. God chiseling away at the very things that might keep us from Him, from the plans and purposes He has for us. Fears, insecurities, strongholds, doubts. Let. God. Chisel.

Home now, I'm having a hard time finding words to describe my few stolen moments away. I ramble on when asked, because no single word seems adequate.

Hard, exciting, overwhelming, fun, emotional, anointed, challenging, scary, life-changing, exhausting, inspiring, motivating, hard (did I say that already?).

I'm sure I will be downloading for quite some time in various posts once I have processed what actually transpired over these few days. I am looking forward to re-experiencing the workshops and sessions through my notes and CDs.

What a blessing to have met such incredible women, sharing their hearts and loving each other and God. I was weepy the whole weekend, overcome with emotion when all 650 of us sat together, eyes on the One Who brought us there. Kindred spirits, like minds...sisters. I. Am. Grateful.

Two of my blogging friends and new sisters,

 Jen and Amy

Another sister friend, Robin, my roomie. Thankful that God allowed us to share this time together.

I am beginning the counting of my blessings, starting with the ones from the conference Saturday night when Ann Voskamp spoke and I was forever changed.

Counting blessings with Ann V.

1. Growing, stretching.
2. Hard moments, tears shed.
3. New places, new opportunities.
4. Sisters.
5. Emptying, filling, emptying.
6. Airport train rides to the right terminal.
7. Grace. Grace. Grace.

Today I am linking with Ann and Jen.

My She Speaks Journey Begins

Thursday morning 5:15 AM wake up call.  Hugs and kisses goodbye to my family...out the door at 7:45, picked up by my friend and roomie, Robin.  On the plane at 10:12 and on our way to a weekend I'm sure we will never forget.

And so begins my journey to She Speaks...

I have flown probably 7 or 8 times, but have always had my husband or someone with me giving me instructions and telling me what to do.  Robin has never flown.  Needless to say, God is growing and stretching us. After we ended up at the wrong terminal, we got a courtesy ride in the airport train to get us to the right place. :)

We met up with Jessica, our new friend who lives only about 30 minutes from us. She Speaks has brought us together and we hope to continue encouraging one another when we get home. We are making lasting connections.  (And Jessica has a really awesome iPhone app coming out soon!)

We arrived safely at the airport in Charlotte, NC where we were picked up by an amazing, funny, beautiful shuttle driver whose name I have sadly forgotten.  I pray that I can connect with her again before Sunday to exchange information.  And I pray that God opens a door and provides a way for her to attend some workshops and soak in His presence this weekend.

After a quick stop at Wendy's (I had not eaten anything since the night before), we made it to our hotel. Our suite is amazing, the beds are soooo comfy and the quiet is...well...heavenly.



Unable to resist the temptation to nap, we took advantage of the heavenly sound of nothing and the comfy beds.  After laying in our room talking for three hours, we finally crashed and woke up 15 minutes before our dinner reservation.  We quickly wiped the mascara from under our eyes, freshened our makeup and traded in our lounging clothes for more appropriate attire. Below is only a small number of some of the very talented and inspiring women we met tonight.

I even got to meet Micca Campbell from P31 when she stopped by our table for a visit!  If you haven't connected with her on her blog, you should.  Find her here. 

It is now 1:30 AM (but 12:30 Texas time so really it's still early for me), and I am going to call it a night, or a morning, or ...whatever. I know tomorrow holds keys to unlocking a piece of my destiny.  I am looking forward to finding the prayer room, connecting with more new friends. learning how to prepare a powerful, effective 15 minute publisher meeting (which will come in handy for my two appointments on Saturday), listening to Lysa TerKeurst in our opening session and losing myself in God's presence.

Good night sweet friends. I wish you were here. Maybe next year?

Confession #2: An Airbrushed Photo & Self-Promoting

It seems I've opened a can of worms with this confession thing.  Unthinkingly naming my last post Confession #1, I have distinctly implied that there must be a #2.  And I know you've been anxiously awaiting  (A girl can humor herself...especially at 5:30 am okay?).

Here goes...

In preparation for She Speaks, I read many articles, several of which said it would be good to have business cards with a photo on them to hand out to publishers, agents, women's ministry leaders, etc. so they could put a face to the name (if they were interested).  So, I solicited help from my personal photographer, my sister.  She's good....reeaall gooood. Did you know you could erase wrinkles in Photoshop? Lucky for me.  Or unlucky?  What happens when I meet the girls at the conference and they are expecting the airbrushed photo?  Sorry girls.  I'm preparing you for reality.

Also, I've had a really hard time ordering the business cards with my picture on them.  Just like every time I post my writer page on facebook asking people to "like" me.  I'm getting a little weary of seeing my own face so much (even if it is wrinkle free). This self-promotion thing is for the birds.  But I am slowly learning...and I am hoping for wings.

One last thing...I am learning to live beyond fear.  Speaking of birds and wings, I told my mom a few weeks ago that I felt like God was pushing me out of the nest.  She reminded me of a book we studied a while back with the Bloom Book Club (Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart) and I thought I'd share some quotes in case anyone else heading to the conference is a little ...well...you know.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom. ~Anais Nin

Fear is truly the enemy of passion and a roadblock to the wisdom God would give us. ~Paula Rinehart

Because real risking in faith can occur only in those areas of life where we feel most impoverished and vulnerable, it never becomes something we are really comfortable with. For each layer that builds up, another, more challenging risk is offered. True faith choices, therefore, always feel like risks; they just go on, involving deeper and deeper levels of our being. Each choice remains difficult, what really becomes conditioned in this process is simply our willingness and readiness to take the risks of faith.  They never stop feeling like risks.~Paula Rinehart

So this thing we are doing, whether we are doing it confidently or doing it afraid, we must do it.  I am willing to take this risk, this thing that feels like I'm losing my footing, this unknown, this vulnerable, hard, exciting place.  God is surely leading me, and it truly is more painful to stay where I am than to go.  He is my strong tower, my refuge.  In Him will I trust.

Are you facing a real faith risk? Is God requiring something new and challenging of you?

Confession #1

Tonight I sit secluded in my parents' guest room, my mom out of town and my dad asleep on the couch. :)

This week has found me struggling to prepare my book proposal for She Speaks.  And after two days of wrestling - because that's what it has felt like, complete with a sore back and neck - I have put it down for the moment to hear God speak.

He is so patient with me and He is faithful even when I am not.  I can see Him sitting down, leaned back with His arms folded and smiling at me with that look that says, "Whenever you're ready...I'm waiting..."

The ironic thing is as I put pressure on myself to perform and try to perfect this book proposal in my own strength, I am reminded of a line in my summary:

"This book is aimed at women and mothers of all ages struggling to catch their breath in a world that measures success by accomplishments, titles and positions, and worldly gain..."

And then I remember a quote from one of my chapters:

"Our satisfaction and contentment, our peace and security, our joy and fulfillment...come only when the void that screams "More!" is filled with  the One whose name encompasses everything we will ever need."

This week I have taken a detour and filled myself with personal demands and expectations.  For three days I have forgotten my purpose. It is not to publish a book, it is not to attend a writer's conference, and it is not to be perfectly dressed, perfectly prepared or perfectly versed for my elevator pitch.

It is to surrender.

It is to love.

It is to answer when He calls.

It is to allow Him to be perfect in my weakness, to shine through my imperfections and broken places, and to allow Him to speak through the words He inspires me to write silently or say aloud.  If that means publishing a book, awesome.  If not, that's okay, too.

Tonight I surrender and worship and listen.  As Moses cried out in Exodus 33, I, too, want to see His glory.  I, too, want to know He has given me grace for the road ahead.  I, too, want to go only if His presence goes with me.

Is there something you are struggling with right now?  Won't you lay it down and spend time with your Father?  I can see Him sitting down, leaned back with His arms folded and smiling at you with that look that says, "Whenever you're ready...I'm waiting..."

Time is a Gift

I am preparing for the P31 She Speaks Conference so thought I would re-post something I had already written.  I would appreciate and cherish your prayers as I continue making preparations.  :)  Time is truly a gift....

Today I Lingered in the Moment

There I stood, walking from my mother's house to my own, a small trail between the two. My eyes forward, I watched my six year old bouncing toward me with his arms spread as wide as the landscape. Suddenly my heart pounded and I was flooded with memories and the realization that this place in time won't last forever.

I found myself breathing deeply, lingering in the moment, reluctant to let go just yet.

I took a picture in my mind, etching every detail of his smile, his face, his arms, his eyes bright with joy and innocence....recording his laugh and his six year old voice.

Though a new day, still, I have been here before.

Watching my daughter twirl and skip, laughter erupting from deep within. She is now 18.

Watching my other son proudly ride his new bike. "Watch me, Mom!" He is now 14.

We blink, and in an instant a moment passes before us, recaptured only in the memories and mental files we have stored away for safe keeping.

Today, like many others, I dig through those files, visiting another time and place.

I am thankful for moments that have come and gone.

And for those moments, those gifts, waiting in my tomorrow.

Both time and my children are a gift from God and I look forward to the morning in great anticipation.

For tomorrow, I have more pictures to take. More files to open.

My cup runneth over...

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. ~ Psalm 127:3

Lord, make me to know my end and [to appreciate] the measure of my days--what it is; let me know and realize how frail I am [how transient is my stay here]. Behold, You have made my days as [short as] handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing in Your sight. Truly every man at his best is merely a breath! Selah ~Psalm 39:4-5 (Amplified Bible)

Once again I am linking up with Jen for Soli Deo Gloria.  Click on the picture below to visit her blog for some encouraging words from other writers.

A Key Prophecy by Chuck Pierce

(I received this in an email today from Chuck Pierce/Glory of Zion Ministries.  Please click to visit their website for more information. A great and timely word.)

A Key Prophecy from Chuck Pierce


"You will have a new place to stand. However, do not rush to establish your footing. In this new place, many changes will take place, so be willing to root and then be re-rooted. I am beginning to light your spirit within you in a new way. The seven -fold spirit within you is now being rekindled and brought to life so that we will become one with My Lamp Stand. You and I will become one in covenant alignment this season. We will begin to burn brightly as we move forward. The world will see the seven-fold Spirit that I have in the earth. This Spirit is beginning to burn again. Hell will not be able to put that fire out. Many who are standing now will come alive and burn again. Though you stopped and stalled in last season, you will advance in a way this season that you have not advanced before. I have one that builds and one that establishes. Then I have one that watches and keeps. Let me help you find your place this hour. Let me help you get established, for I am transplanting many from one garden to another garden. I am causing some seed to grow that did not grow last season. I am plowing new furrows, breaking old soil, but creating new fields. I will grow a troop for this season. This is the troop that begins to move and advance in a new way.

Choose the lamp stand this month. Be the lampstand. Choose now and you will shine brightly throughout your entire future. Of the seven fold aspects of burning, you have to only be half lit. Let Me light you and make you bright. I need a flame. I see you! Do not get upset, when I clear away some of the rust and debris that has caused portions of your light to grow dim. I love you and I light you!"

how can we reach them unless we see

(today i am linking my words with others and emily for imperfect prose.  i have only found her this week and feel like i have uncovered treasure. she is an amazing writer and artist.  you will be blessed to visit her blog. also be sure to check the listed links for some encouraging words from other writers as well)

walking through fields of corn too tall

standing on tip toes to get a peek

what is it thats out there

there beyond the place my eyes can see?

i imagine people

souls lost and hearts aching

undone and unraveled

searching for home

a place to lay their heads

ears to listen

hearts that hold complete.

beyond our now is a world of hurting people

in front of us lies wounded the rejected and forgotten.

how will we reach them unless we see?

open our eyes lord

let us see clearly those to whom you have called us.

stretch our hands made for healing

move our feet fashioned for the journey

give us courage to see and grace to love.

sharing the one who alone brings peace, hope, forgiveness and salvation.

Jesus.

Dedicated, Depleted and Determined

I am joining the Sisterhood :) and linking this post with Jen and some others at Finding Heaven Today.  Please click the picture at the bottom of this post to visit some other pages if you have time and need the encouragement...

Yesterday at church our Youth Pastor (and friend) filled in for our Senior Pastor who is on vacation.  The words he spoke hit me like a ton of bricks.  As soon as he opened his mouth and began speaking I knew God was using him to deliver a message and I, its intended recipient.

Simply but profoundly titled "From Desire to Desperation," my personal message immediately challenged and convicted me.

Isn't it funny how sometimes you know what God is going to say before He says it?  It amazes me how He drops His word in our spirit and sets off an explosion in our heart.

To set the stage, Pastor Timothy used the example of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 starting in vs. 8.  It is hard to miss Hannah's desperation in these verses. She not only desired a son, she was utterly desperate.  She committed herself to God in this matter in such a way that she was emptied of everything.  In dedication and determination, she poured out unto God relentlessly. 

Hannah was dedicated, depleted and determined.

Point 1: TRUE DEDICATION

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold all things have become new." ~2 Corinthians 5:17

When we are dedicated, we are wholly committed to something, set apart, reserved and consecrated for a specific use or (sacred) purpose (source: dictionary.com).

True dedication to God means, as the scripture states, that old things have indeed passed away and all things have become new.  We are a new creation and our life should reflect the change.  The way we think, the way we speak, the way we love, the way we forgive, the way we encourage, the way we serve...everything we do and everything we are should be centered in the person of Christ.  Not that we are perfect (because we aren't), not that we will instantly gain victory in every area and over every stronghold (because we won't), but that we live intentionally and purposefully, completely submitted and dedicated to the life we now live, consecrated and set apart for a sacred purpose.

Point 2: TRUE DEPLETION

I just read  a guest post by Todd Henry on Michael Hyatt's blog the other day titled Why I Hope to Die Empty.  If you haven't read it, I encourage you to do so.  It's really, really good.

TH's friend asked the question "Do you know what the most valuable land in the world is?" After numerous wrong guesses of places like diamond mines and oil rich lands, he replied, "It's the graveyard... because with all of those people are buried unfulfilled dreams, unwritten novels, masterpieces not created, businesses not started, relationships not reconciled.  That is the most valuable land in the world."

This statement brings conviction to live and the freedom to do so.  TH states "My only job—each and every day—is to empty myself, to do my daily work, and to try as much as possible to leave nothing unspoken, uncreated, unwritten."

As we fill ourselves with God's Word and become empowered to do that which He's called us to do, we should do it.   Just do it  (Sounds so simple...) .Pour ourselves out first to Him in worship, sacrifice, prayer, dedication and then to others in service, encouragement, love, forgiveness.  In the pouring out of ourselves - our needs, wants, desires, hurts, disappointments - and in the emptying of all that He has poured in -healing, provision, peace, love -, spills out ministry and the gifts He has placed within us. 

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" Galatians 2:20.

In our emptying, we surrender all.  Just as Hannah surrendered the very thing for which she cried out so desperately (1 Samuel 1), we too must realize the blessings that come are not so that we can hold onto them, but so that we can release them back into the hands of God.  It isn't our ministry, our book, our child, our song, our life....it's His...and it's for His glory alone.

3. TRUE DETERMINATION

How determined are we to find God?  To find His presence and dwell there?  Do we look for Him as treasure?  Do we thirst for Him?

"O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water"
Psalm 63:1.

Each of these points challenged me and caused me to look within, to evaluate my level of desperation.  Am I truly dedicated?  Am I truly depleted?  Am I truly determined?  My flesh and desire to please people or have them see me in a certain favorable light wants to proclaim "Yes!"  But in my heart of hearts, the transparent and honest answer is...no.  Yes, I love God, Yes, I have desire, but my level of desperation is not enough.  There are some things I must still surrender, some things I must lay down, some things I must let go. 

As God is preparing each of us for His purposes, I pray that we become desperate.  Desperate for Him and desperate enough to empty ourselves so that He can live through us.  Whether in writing, speaking, praying, singing or to whatever ministry He has called us, I pray that we are able to lay aside those things keeping us from moving forward.

We can be truly dedicated, depleted and determined. 

We must live purposefully and intentionally.  We are created for a sacred purpose.

In seventeen short days I will board a plane for North Carolina to attend the She Speaks Conference.  I am nervous and feel very inadequate but I know God is going to speak to me there.  In addition to gathering a plethora of knowledge, I am praying to receive divine direction.  I am laying down some things in order to attend, setting some things aside, and letting some things go.  I feel my desperation increasing. I know He is leading.

Won't you pray for me and allow me to pray for you, sweet friends?

Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation ~Psalm 62:1.

Reminding Myself...

Reposting from February and reminding myself....

Teach Me To Surrender...

Performance and achievement based Christianity is tiring and heavy, hindering intimacy and relationship with our Savior. It fosters pride and fear of failure.


Surrendering and allowing God to work through us to achieve His purposes and reach even greater heights than imagined brings freedom.

**Performance puts the focus on ourselves.**

Surrender puts the focus on God and His ability, encourages our dependence on Him and promotes intimacy and fellowship.

I'm still learning total and complete surrender.

Teach me to surrender, Lord.....

Not my will, but Yours.

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matthew 11:30

Ability vs. Capacity

My mom shared this yesterday and it really spoke to me.  History has shown that a lot of us are usually in the same place or going through a similar season, so I thought I would share it to. :)

A Word by Mark Chironna:

Ability and capacity are different. When you arrive at new positions and levels of influence a gap is created, the gap exists between the demands of your new position and your not-yet-developed ability to fulfill that role. Not-yet-developed ability does not mean you do not have the capacity. The capacity exists or the promotion would not come. Shift your awareness towards your capacity and watch your ability rising.

Have a blessed Friday, my friends, and remember....keep your spiritual ears open because God is speaking! :)   xoxo

What We Must Do When the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days Come

This morning I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water. As I turned on the faucet I noticed tiny black sugar ants attacking a spilled drop of Kool-aid. I followed their trail up to the window, where they had somehow found an invisible entrance into my home on their quest for something sweet to drink.


They were very intentional about their target. Militant in their traveling, one by one they followed suit with a common purpose: Identify and attack. Aggressive and unified in their consuming, it was impossible to know what they had found until my interference caused them to scatter.

Just like these ants, the enemy of our soul is on a mission. He is looking for even the tiniest crack which might provide entry into our lives – our heart, our mind, our emotions.

Have you ever noticed that when you have a negative thought or a day that is starting out a little less than perfect, that once we choose to dwell on the bad it seems to multiply? Once we meditate on that negative thought or give in to our circumstances, it’s all downhill from there.

The other day proved to be just such a day for me. And really, I know better.

I started the day not feeling well. Sparing you the details, let’s just say that I didn’t get out of bed for even a drink of water until 3:00 P.M.

My day (and my state of mind) got progressively worse. As I considered how terrible I felt, I began to also have thoughts of how much I needed to get done and how it would probably never happen. I was bombarded with negative thoughts one right after another. Doubts about everything. And it all started from a tummy ache. (Sounds so silly now…)

The enemy of my soul had found a crack and gained entry into my thoughts…in like a flood and on a mission to devour its target: Me.

(And I KNOW the scripture that says to cast down every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ….2 Cor. 10:5)

Let me tell ya…this Christian walk is not for wimps.

The easy (and dangerous) thing to do would be to stay right there in that place, agreeing with all the lies being spoken and acting on them emotionally. Seriously, it would take no effort to do such.

But I cannot afford to do that (nor do I want to).

And neither can you.

The Bible says in 1 Samuel that David encouraged himself in the Lord. You can safely say that he was having a bad day, but instead of becoming a victim of his circumstances, he chose to gather strength from God.

Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him,…But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. ~1 Samuel 30:6

Most of us won’t have to face an angry crowd ready to stone us, but at times it might feel like the stones are already being thrown. Our heart, our mind, our emotions can be susceptible to discouragement… especially if we provide a way of entry.

We must refuse to give in.

We must encourage ourselves in the Lord.

After wallowing in doubt and discouragement for a few hours, I began to remind myself what the Word of truth says. I began to praise God for His goodness and mercy and draw on His strength when I felt depleted.

His strength really is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

He really is our support.

He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. ~Psalm 18:16-19

He gives us what we need for whatever circumstance we may find ourselves in.

For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me. ~Psalm18:39

We must open our Bible and read.

We must open our mouth and praise.

We must open our heart and receive.

We must take every thought captive.

We must encourage ourselves in the Lord.

Even on those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, our God is always greater.

Our circumstances may change, but He never does.

Refuse to give in.  Embrace all that God has already given you and use it to accomplish the things He has called you to do.

An Invitation...A Call To Intimacy

(From my journal last Friday night 2:00 a.m.)

Dark outside, the day sleeps.  The only sounds uttered are those of tiny crickets hidden in blades of grass.  The only movements made by the glaring red numbers on the clock, a gentle reminder that time continues even when everything else seems to stop.  My body commands sleep but my soul awakens, desperate for its Maker.


In the stillness, He is here.


I sense His majesty in the silence.  Overwhelmed by His presence I can only breathe.


How many times have I ignored this invitation...this call to intimacy?

Let not one opportunity pass me by....let not one invitation go unanswered.



Linking this post with...

How Did That Grow There?



In my hurried state, I step over it, never glancing down to confirm its existence.


But he, six and very aware, focuses in on the lone weed trespassing on the pavement.


"Mom, how did that grow there?"


Turning around I notice the obvious subject of his question.  Hard and rough, the asphalt lies bare except for this intruder that has somehow found its being where it should have been impossible to grow.  Tall and proud and boldly declaring that it belongs here.


I consider his question and know that God will speak in the answer.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


Our Pastor has been preaching boldly the last three weeks on sin in the church, in the lives of Christians.  According to published polls and statistics there is not much difference in the lives of Christians and the lives of non-Christians in areas such as divorce, adultery, drug and alcohol abuse, pornography, teen sex and pretty much anything else you can think of.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


When I consider my own life and the struggles and strongholds present - no matter how small or how great - I hear my son's question once again...


"How did that grow there?"


In my hurried state, perhaps I have stepped over some weeds and neglected to confirm their existence, but to deny or ignore their existence doesn't mean they are not there.


Help me, Lord, to slow down and recognize those things that are not pleasing to You.  Search me and and show me the cracks in my foundation.  Rain down your mercy and grace and give me wisdom to repair.  Let my life be pleasing to You, revealing Your character in me, sharing You love with those around me. 


"Search me, O God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a


"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14


"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10


"Nevertheless, the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: "The Lord knows those who are His," and "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity." 2 Timothy 2:19

Updated Bio

I finally updated my bio (sort of).  Please feel free to take a peek.

About Shelly

Unworthy but Invited to Come

One by one- secret chambers of my heart are being opened, a light shining into the darkest of corners...exposing that which was hidden even from myself. I can hear a gentle knocking, the Lord calling me to Himself.  The closer I come, the more of me that spills out, revealing things binding me to this place.  Pride, selfish desires and ambitions, unforgiveness, neglect, careless words.  Unworthy to even say His name, yet chosen and asked to come.


Asked to come closer. 


He is calling us to Himself. 

As we submit to His leading and answer His call to come closer, our sins are exposed, idols are identified and strongholds are revealed. In this place of refining, this place where the impurities rise to the top and are scooped away by the Master, the heat is intense and the pressure is extreme but the process is necessary.

One of my spiritual mentors, Dale Gentry, sent this prophetic word out in an email recently:


Prophetic Word for 6-13-11
I hear the Holy Spirit saying, "Come away with me to your secret place (prayer place). Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. Come and sit with me in heavenly places. More than anything else I want your time, your undivided attention. To begin with, you will hear many distracting voices, but eventually you will only hear my voice. A voice that says,THIS IS THE WAY, WALK IN IT."


The Holy Spirit has been speaking this to me for some time now.  Our hearts have been divided and distracted with too many things. 


Do not resist the urging to come closer.  Jesus is preparing His bride for Himself. 

When all of me is stripped away, I pray that the only thing left is Him.  His character, His love, His mercy. 

Let us step away from all the distractions, open our hearts to listen and find Him in the secret place. As we draw closer to Him, change and transformation are inevitable.

But whenever a person turns [in repentance] to the Lord, the veil is stripped off and taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom). And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. ~2 Corinthians 3:16-18



Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ~Jeremiah 29:13

More of you, Lord, less of me.

It's HIM

The perfect place of resting in who I am in Christ...of knowing it is not what I can do but what He can do through me...

Why is it sometimes hard to stay in that place?

Tempted to succumb to the pressures and opinions of the world which unfairly categorizes, labels and judges...motivated by false hopes, worthless dreams and aspirations that glorify self...validated by human praise, acceptance and positive feedback.

What is this unquenchable desire that can never be satisfied?

It is the need to please man. The want to feel loved and accepted.  The desire to feel equal or better.

Selfish ambitions.
Vain and hollow pursuits.
Empty hopes.
Religious strivings.

A place we have all at one time (or many times) found ourselves.

All of these things leave us feeling discouraged and let down.  When we find that we are in this place, it is essential that we check our motivation.

Why are we doing what we are doing?
Who are we trying to please (who are we serving)?
What is our purpose in living?

The answer to each of these questions should point toward eternity and the One with Whom we are going to spend it.

Without Christ at the center of everything, our life gets out of order.  Our flesh begins to take over with its insatiable appetite.  We can never have enough, never be good enough, and never accomplish enough.

Our heart becomes divided, leaving little space for Him.

We weren't meant to be filled with us.  The Bible clearly warns us that when our heart is not centered on God, it has the power to turn us away from Him.

Therefore beware] brethren, take care, lest there be in any one of you a wicked, unbelieving heart [which refuses to cleave to, trust in, and rely on Him], leading you to turn away and desert or stand aloof from the living God. Hebrews 3:12

The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]? Jeremiah 17:9

We are encouraged to guard our heart...

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

Our satisfaction and contentment, our joy and fulfillment, our peace and security...only come when the void that demands to be filled is overflowing with the One Who encompasses everything.

The secret to our success is Him.

The answer to our questions is Him.

That which we so desperately long for, the thing that can never be earned or found in accomplishments or given by man...

It is HIM.

He is everything we have been searching for.

In His presence is where we belong. 

In Him, we are complete.

Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24

Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in Your truth; direct and unite my heart [solely, reverently] to fear and honor Your name. Psalms 86:11

O GOD, my heart is fixed (steadfast, in the confidence of faith); I will sing, yes, I will sing praises, even with my glory [all the faculties and powers of one created in Your image! Psalms 108:1

Don't Forfeit Your Destiny

Don't you love it when God is dealing with you in a specific area?  Or several at a time?  Feels good, doesn't it?

Not really.

But how will we ever become the person we were created to be without correction, rebuke and repentance?  The truth is....We won't.

With that being said, one of the areas God is dealing with me about at this very moment is self-discipline, or more specifically, the lack of.

I read a passage from Destiny Thieves by Sandie Freed and thought I would share (just in case someone else needs to hear it to):

Esau's lack of self-discipline canceled his spiritual destiny in God.

• If our flesh is in an exalted place of authority, then we become heavily tempted with worldly desires, and we easily sell out to the world.
• We forfeit our leadership calling and spiritual passion, we forfeit our marriages, we forfeit the benefits of our inheritance, and we forfeit destiny.

I don't want to forfeit my destiny.  And I know you don't want to forfeit yours either.  If God has revealed an area in your life that is not pleasing to Him, do what you need to do to change it.  And if there isn't an area that He's working on right now, it probably wouldn't hurt to ask Him to point out anything that might be hindering your walk or relationship with Him and minimizing the (positive) impact your life is having on those around you.  He loves us enough to show us.  And He loves us enough to help us through to the other side.

Not sure how to ask or where to start?  Open up your Bible.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. ~2 Timothy 3:16-17

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? ~Hebrews 12:5b-7

Unqualified and Not Good Enough

Ever notice how it's easier to preach something than it is to live it?  Kind of like...do what I say, not what I do?

Our fourteen year old son is very competitive and plays several different sports.  Any time his team loses a game, I am always quick to remind him that you can't win every time and that losing sometimes is a part of life.  I usually go into how the whole experience can teach him good sportsmanship if he allows it to and how he can grow from the mistakes he made and be a better player next time.


Recently I received an email about a writing contest that I entered. I was nervous to say the least.  My eyes skimmed down the page and stopped...  "Thank you for entering.  Sadly, I must say...."

My heart sank.

Why is it so hard to lose?

Immediately I began to have feelings of "I'm not good enough"... "I'm not going to go to the writing conference and make a fool of myself"...  "Write a book?  Who am I kidding?"....

 And then I took a deep breath and remembered the advice I had given so many times before - of course it probably helped that my fourteen year old was sitting on the couch staring at me.  I was honest and told him that it was easier to give him advice than to take it for myself.  He was so sweet.  He got up and hugged me and said, "I'm sorry you didn't win, but maybe next time.  I love you, mom."

Losses and disappointments are sometimes a part of life.  They don't define who we are, but they can encourage who we become. 

Yesterday I was expressing my feelings of inadequacy about ministry in general to my spiritual dad on the phone.  He said, "If you feel like you're not ready, you probably are." And that makes sense.  When we feel like we have it altogether and we know everything, that's when we mess things up.  If we knew everything and got everything perfect all the time, we would not need to depend on God.

So I am pressing forward, feelings of inadequacy and all.  And no matter how many times I fail, or don't win, I will keep moving.  It's not about me anyway.

Don't allow circumstances or people to keep you from stepping out into the ministry you feel God calling you to.  We will never be good enough or smart enough or qualified enough.  It is God working through us Who supplies the power and ability to accomplish the things He puts before us. 

And trust me, He IS qualified.

Finding Something in a Time of Loss

I close my eyes and I can see his face.  I can hear his laugh and the shuffle of his old, tired feet in his worn out cowboy boots.

Today, I said good-bye to my grandpa.  Even though I know our good-bye is only for a season, this dull aching deep inside will not rest.  I know time will heal and the pain will lessen, but tonight my heart hurts.  He lived a long 92 years and it seems selfish for me to want him back.  He is no longer in pain, no longer without....but complete, fulfilled and perfect in the presence of our sweet, sweet, Jesus (and my grandma who was the love of his life). 

In times of brokenness, our heart is exposed and we spill out....messy and imperfect.  God picks up our pieces and gently reminds us that He is the Potter.  As life unfolds and the reality of pain, disappointment and loss are known, we can be molded as clay in the Potter's hands.  In our healing we can find that every pain has a purpose, every heartache can make us love better, and every hurt and disappointment can be used to reveal and expose and bring us closer to the One who loves us most.

Today, I am keenly aware of my frailty...my temporary and limited life on this earth.

My selfish ambitions and motives are being exposed, my heart is being enlarged, and my broken pieces are being molded into a vessel to illuminate His goodness, mercy, grace...His love, forgiveness, and healing poured out...if only I will yield and allow the Master to finish the work that He has started.

In times of desperation, when our world has been shaken, when we cry out with all that is within us, when we find ourselves grasping, reaching...needing something to hold on to...He is our resting place and our shelter.

I do not understand why we have to go through the things we do and feel the things we feel.  But my faith and my trust are in the One who promises to be with me even then.

Tonight, I quiet my soul....and listen.

Tonight, I hear Him speaking, and choose to yield.

Thou will keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee; because he trusteth in Thee. ~Isaiah 26:3