What We Must Do When the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days Come

This morning I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water. As I turned on the faucet I noticed tiny black sugar ants attacking a spilled drop of Kool-aid. I followed their trail up to the window, where they had somehow found an invisible entrance into my home on their quest for something sweet to drink.


They were very intentional about their target. Militant in their traveling, one by one they followed suit with a common purpose: Identify and attack. Aggressive and unified in their consuming, it was impossible to know what they had found until my interference caused them to scatter.

Just like these ants, the enemy of our soul is on a mission. He is looking for even the tiniest crack which might provide entry into our lives – our heart, our mind, our emotions.

Have you ever noticed that when you have a negative thought or a day that is starting out a little less than perfect, that once we choose to dwell on the bad it seems to multiply? Once we meditate on that negative thought or give in to our circumstances, it’s all downhill from there.

The other day proved to be just such a day for me. And really, I know better.

I started the day not feeling well. Sparing you the details, let’s just say that I didn’t get out of bed for even a drink of water until 3:00 P.M.

My day (and my state of mind) got progressively worse. As I considered how terrible I felt, I began to also have thoughts of how much I needed to get done and how it would probably never happen. I was bombarded with negative thoughts one right after another. Doubts about everything. And it all started from a tummy ache. (Sounds so silly now…)

The enemy of my soul had found a crack and gained entry into my thoughts…in like a flood and on a mission to devour its target: Me.

(And I KNOW the scripture that says to cast down every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ….2 Cor. 10:5)

Let me tell ya…this Christian walk is not for wimps.

The easy (and dangerous) thing to do would be to stay right there in that place, agreeing with all the lies being spoken and acting on them emotionally. Seriously, it would take no effort to do such.

But I cannot afford to do that (nor do I want to).

And neither can you.

The Bible says in 1 Samuel that David encouraged himself in the Lord. You can safely say that he was having a bad day, but instead of becoming a victim of his circumstances, he chose to gather strength from God.

Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him,…But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. ~1 Samuel 30:6

Most of us won’t have to face an angry crowd ready to stone us, but at times it might feel like the stones are already being thrown. Our heart, our mind, our emotions can be susceptible to discouragement… especially if we provide a way of entry.

We must refuse to give in.

We must encourage ourselves in the Lord.

After wallowing in doubt and discouragement for a few hours, I began to remind myself what the Word of truth says. I began to praise God for His goodness and mercy and draw on His strength when I felt depleted.

His strength really is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

He really is our support.

He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. ~Psalm 18:16-19

He gives us what we need for whatever circumstance we may find ourselves in.

For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me. ~Psalm18:39

We must open our Bible and read.

We must open our mouth and praise.

We must open our heart and receive.

We must take every thought captive.

We must encourage ourselves in the Lord.

Even on those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, our God is always greater.

Our circumstances may change, but He never does.

Refuse to give in.  Embrace all that God has already given you and use it to accomplish the things He has called you to do.

An Invitation...A Call To Intimacy

(From my journal last Friday night 2:00 a.m.)

Dark outside, the day sleeps.  The only sounds uttered are those of tiny crickets hidden in blades of grass.  The only movements made by the glaring red numbers on the clock, a gentle reminder that time continues even when everything else seems to stop.  My body commands sleep but my soul awakens, desperate for its Maker.


In the stillness, He is here.


I sense His majesty in the silence.  Overwhelmed by His presence I can only breathe.


How many times have I ignored this invitation...this call to intimacy?

Let not one opportunity pass me by....let not one invitation go unanswered.



Linking this post with...

How Did That Grow There?



In my hurried state, I step over it, never glancing down to confirm its existence.


But he, six and very aware, focuses in on the lone weed trespassing on the pavement.


"Mom, how did that grow there?"


Turning around I notice the obvious subject of his question.  Hard and rough, the asphalt lies bare except for this intruder that has somehow found its being where it should have been impossible to grow.  Tall and proud and boldly declaring that it belongs here.


I consider his question and know that God will speak in the answer.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


Our Pastor has been preaching boldly the last three weeks on sin in the church, in the lives of Christians.  According to published polls and statistics there is not much difference in the lives of Christians and the lives of non-Christians in areas such as divorce, adultery, drug and alcohol abuse, pornography, teen sex and pretty much anything else you can think of.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


When I consider my own life and the struggles and strongholds present - no matter how small or how great - I hear my son's question once again...


"How did that grow there?"


In my hurried state, perhaps I have stepped over some weeds and neglected to confirm their existence, but to deny or ignore their existence doesn't mean they are not there.


Help me, Lord, to slow down and recognize those things that are not pleasing to You.  Search me and and show me the cracks in my foundation.  Rain down your mercy and grace and give me wisdom to repair.  Let my life be pleasing to You, revealing Your character in me, sharing You love with those around me. 


"Search me, O God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a


"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14


"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10


"Nevertheless, the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: "The Lord knows those who are His," and "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity." 2 Timothy 2:19

Updated Bio

I finally updated my bio (sort of).  Please feel free to take a peek.

About Shelly

Unworthy but Invited to Come

One by one- secret chambers of my heart are being opened, a light shining into the darkest of corners...exposing that which was hidden even from myself. I can hear a gentle knocking, the Lord calling me to Himself.  The closer I come, the more of me that spills out, revealing things binding me to this place.  Pride, selfish desires and ambitions, unforgiveness, neglect, careless words.  Unworthy to even say His name, yet chosen and asked to come.


Asked to come closer. 


He is calling us to Himself. 

As we submit to His leading and answer His call to come closer, our sins are exposed, idols are identified and strongholds are revealed. In this place of refining, this place where the impurities rise to the top and are scooped away by the Master, the heat is intense and the pressure is extreme but the process is necessary.

One of my spiritual mentors, Dale Gentry, sent this prophetic word out in an email recently:


Prophetic Word for 6-13-11
I hear the Holy Spirit saying, "Come away with me to your secret place (prayer place). Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. Come and sit with me in heavenly places. More than anything else I want your time, your undivided attention. To begin with, you will hear many distracting voices, but eventually you will only hear my voice. A voice that says,THIS IS THE WAY, WALK IN IT."


The Holy Spirit has been speaking this to me for some time now.  Our hearts have been divided and distracted with too many things. 


Do not resist the urging to come closer.  Jesus is preparing His bride for Himself. 

When all of me is stripped away, I pray that the only thing left is Him.  His character, His love, His mercy. 

Let us step away from all the distractions, open our hearts to listen and find Him in the secret place. As we draw closer to Him, change and transformation are inevitable.

But whenever a person turns [in repentance] to the Lord, the veil is stripped off and taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom). And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. ~2 Corinthians 3:16-18



Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ~Jeremiah 29:13

More of you, Lord, less of me.

It's HIM

The perfect place of resting in who I am in Christ...of knowing it is not what I can do but what He can do through me...

Why is it sometimes hard to stay in that place?

Tempted to succumb to the pressures and opinions of the world which unfairly categorizes, labels and judges...motivated by false hopes, worthless dreams and aspirations that glorify self...validated by human praise, acceptance and positive feedback.

What is this unquenchable desire that can never be satisfied?

It is the need to please man. The want to feel loved and accepted.  The desire to feel equal or better.

Selfish ambitions.
Vain and hollow pursuits.
Empty hopes.
Religious strivings.

A place we have all at one time (or many times) found ourselves.

All of these things leave us feeling discouraged and let down.  When we find that we are in this place, it is essential that we check our motivation.

Why are we doing what we are doing?
Who are we trying to please (who are we serving)?
What is our purpose in living?

The answer to each of these questions should point toward eternity and the One with Whom we are going to spend it.

Without Christ at the center of everything, our life gets out of order.  Our flesh begins to take over with its insatiable appetite.  We can never have enough, never be good enough, and never accomplish enough.

Our heart becomes divided, leaving little space for Him.

We weren't meant to be filled with us.  The Bible clearly warns us that when our heart is not centered on God, it has the power to turn us away from Him.

Therefore beware] brethren, take care, lest there be in any one of you a wicked, unbelieving heart [which refuses to cleave to, trust in, and rely on Him], leading you to turn away and desert or stand aloof from the living God. Hebrews 3:12

The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]? Jeremiah 17:9

We are encouraged to guard our heart...

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

Our satisfaction and contentment, our joy and fulfillment, our peace and security...only come when the void that demands to be filled is overflowing with the One Who encompasses everything.

The secret to our success is Him.

The answer to our questions is Him.

That which we so desperately long for, the thing that can never be earned or found in accomplishments or given by man...

It is HIM.

He is everything we have been searching for.

In His presence is where we belong. 

In Him, we are complete.

Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24

Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in Your truth; direct and unite my heart [solely, reverently] to fear and honor Your name. Psalms 86:11

O GOD, my heart is fixed (steadfast, in the confidence of faith); I will sing, yes, I will sing praises, even with my glory [all the faculties and powers of one created in Your image! Psalms 108:1

Don't Forfeit Your Destiny

Don't you love it when God is dealing with you in a specific area?  Or several at a time?  Feels good, doesn't it?

Not really.

But how will we ever become the person we were created to be without correction, rebuke and repentance?  The truth is....We won't.

With that being said, one of the areas God is dealing with me about at this very moment is self-discipline, or more specifically, the lack of.

I read a passage from Destiny Thieves by Sandie Freed and thought I would share (just in case someone else needs to hear it to):

Esau's lack of self-discipline canceled his spiritual destiny in God.

• If our flesh is in an exalted place of authority, then we become heavily tempted with worldly desires, and we easily sell out to the world.
• We forfeit our leadership calling and spiritual passion, we forfeit our marriages, we forfeit the benefits of our inheritance, and we forfeit destiny.

I don't want to forfeit my destiny.  And I know you don't want to forfeit yours either.  If God has revealed an area in your life that is not pleasing to Him, do what you need to do to change it.  And if there isn't an area that He's working on right now, it probably wouldn't hurt to ask Him to point out anything that might be hindering your walk or relationship with Him and minimizing the (positive) impact your life is having on those around you.  He loves us enough to show us.  And He loves us enough to help us through to the other side.

Not sure how to ask or where to start?  Open up your Bible.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. ~2 Timothy 3:16-17

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? ~Hebrews 12:5b-7

Unqualified and Not Good Enough

Ever notice how it's easier to preach something than it is to live it?  Kind of like...do what I say, not what I do?

Our fourteen year old son is very competitive and plays several different sports.  Any time his team loses a game, I am always quick to remind him that you can't win every time and that losing sometimes is a part of life.  I usually go into how the whole experience can teach him good sportsmanship if he allows it to and how he can grow from the mistakes he made and be a better player next time.


Recently I received an email about a writing contest that I entered. I was nervous to say the least.  My eyes skimmed down the page and stopped...  "Thank you for entering.  Sadly, I must say...."

My heart sank.

Why is it so hard to lose?

Immediately I began to have feelings of "I'm not good enough"... "I'm not going to go to the writing conference and make a fool of myself"...  "Write a book?  Who am I kidding?"....

 And then I took a deep breath and remembered the advice I had given so many times before - of course it probably helped that my fourteen year old was sitting on the couch staring at me.  I was honest and told him that it was easier to give him advice than to take it for myself.  He was so sweet.  He got up and hugged me and said, "I'm sorry you didn't win, but maybe next time.  I love you, mom."

Losses and disappointments are sometimes a part of life.  They don't define who we are, but they can encourage who we become. 

Yesterday I was expressing my feelings of inadequacy about ministry in general to my spiritual dad on the phone.  He said, "If you feel like you're not ready, you probably are." And that makes sense.  When we feel like we have it altogether and we know everything, that's when we mess things up.  If we knew everything and got everything perfect all the time, we would not need to depend on God.

So I am pressing forward, feelings of inadequacy and all.  And no matter how many times I fail, or don't win, I will keep moving.  It's not about me anyway.

Don't allow circumstances or people to keep you from stepping out into the ministry you feel God calling you to.  We will never be good enough or smart enough or qualified enough.  It is God working through us Who supplies the power and ability to accomplish the things He puts before us. 

And trust me, He IS qualified.

Finding Something in a Time of Loss

I close my eyes and I can see his face.  I can hear his laugh and the shuffle of his old, tired feet in his worn out cowboy boots.

Today, I said good-bye to my grandpa.  Even though I know our good-bye is only for a season, this dull aching deep inside will not rest.  I know time will heal and the pain will lessen, but tonight my heart hurts.  He lived a long 92 years and it seems selfish for me to want him back.  He is no longer in pain, no longer without....but complete, fulfilled and perfect in the presence of our sweet, sweet, Jesus (and my grandma who was the love of his life). 

In times of brokenness, our heart is exposed and we spill out....messy and imperfect.  God picks up our pieces and gently reminds us that He is the Potter.  As life unfolds and the reality of pain, disappointment and loss are known, we can be molded as clay in the Potter's hands.  In our healing we can find that every pain has a purpose, every heartache can make us love better, and every hurt and disappointment can be used to reveal and expose and bring us closer to the One who loves us most.

Today, I am keenly aware of my frailty...my temporary and limited life on this earth.

My selfish ambitions and motives are being exposed, my heart is being enlarged, and my broken pieces are being molded into a vessel to illuminate His goodness, mercy, grace...His love, forgiveness, and healing poured out...if only I will yield and allow the Master to finish the work that He has started.

In times of desperation, when our world has been shaken, when we cry out with all that is within us, when we find ourselves grasping, reaching...needing something to hold on to...He is our resting place and our shelter.

I do not understand why we have to go through the things we do and feel the things we feel.  But my faith and my trust are in the One who promises to be with me even then.

Tonight, I quiet my soul....and listen.

Tonight, I hear Him speaking, and choose to yield.

Thou will keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee; because he trusteth in Thee. ~Isaiah 26:3

Questions, Preparations & A Writing Sabbatical

Often I sit in my "writing chair" (aka: the cuddler recliner I stole from my husband), the place where stories are formed and words are strung together to take on new meaning, soaking in moments of solitude when the only movements left in the house are those made by sleeping beauties.

Today, I sit alone at my breakfast table (aka: dining table, craft table, game table) reflecting on the last five months and peeking into tomorrow. 

And listening for divine direction.

After years of being a stay at home mom, I am now in the middle of my pursuit of a degree in teaching.  This past semester proved to be difficult and challenging, perhaps of my own doing, as I wrestled -once again- with the famous question "Is this it?"  And with the current education dilemma in our state and the loss of 59 jobs in our school district alone, I have decided to take a step back and re-evaluate this plan.

I know I am called to ministry.  Have my education pursuits been but a distraction to a higher calling?

I have just recently allowed myself to say "I am a writer."  I know this is part of the ministry God has called me to. Should I focus all my efforts here and not register for school in the Fall?

After having our own home based business for five years, a decrease in contracts resulting in financial pressures caused my husband to return to work for "the man" in November of last year.  Should I also look for a part-time or even full-time job outside of our home?

I am believing these questions will be answered over the next few months.  I am following God's leading and attending a Writer's Conference, as most of you know, in July.  I am going expecting and anticipating great things, but most of all, to hear Him speak to me.  I will be gathering knowledge, meeting with publishers and editors and connecting with other writers and women who feel called to ministry.  By faith, I will come home armed and ready to go where He says to go, speak what He says to speak, and do what He says to do! 

Please say a prayer for me. :)

I am spending this weekend away with my mom and sister for my sister's birthday.  My return will mark the beginning of a 30 day research and writing sabbatical as I prepare for the conference.

What's going on in your neck of the woods?  Have any of these questions haunted you lately? :)  Is there anything I can pray with you about?

Establish my steps and direct them by [means of] Your word... Psalm 119:133a

Connecting the Rabbit Trails

Sitting, waiting in the drive-thru line at Sonic, my eyes begin to explore and my mind wanders, provoking random thoughts building upon one another, leading into the next until finally....a bridge, connecting the rabbit trails. 

And this is why I keep pen and paper in my car  (And in the absence of paper, sometimes McDonald's napkins become my journal pages....).

In front of me is a beautiful, shiny new car with a sunroof, perfect for welcoming the sun on days like today.  My SUV is not so shiny...ten years old but faithful, red snow cone stains on the carpet and dings and scratches on the doors from years of carelessness by strangers parked next to me at the grocery store.  The car in front of me will soon, too, lose its shine and new car smell.  The newness lost in tomorrow... things get old and wear out, their value often determined by flash and physical perfection.

I pay for my drink and turn onto the highway.  A police officer interrupts traffic to allow mourners the opportunity to pass by....united in their grief they pay their last respects to a life that once was, but has now ended.

Across the street a building loses its presence in our city one scoop at a time, the big mechanical arm reaching, grabbing, destroying.  This building that once broadcast from inside its walls to cities miles away....this building where my dad and my boys each received their first haircuts so many years apart...this building whose walls echoed the secrets of men no longer here....its existence soon to be found only in memories and photographs.

As these scattered thoughts collide, a theme emerges and my ears begin to listen. I consider the shiny new car, my old SUV and the tired building now resting in a pile of debris.  These things exist and then cease to exist....get old and then replaced.  Each created for a purpose and at the end of its usefulness, tossed aside or destroyed, no longer of value.  Temporal in its being, each thing has no meaning beyond its death.

The body carried in the hearse has a similar ending.  It, too, will return to dust.  But the living, eternal soul that once dwelled inside of this temporal shell of a body does not cease to exist.  All is not gone.  The soul now abides in a place unseen by human eyes. 

Then shall the dust [out of which God made man's body] return to the earth as it was, and the spirit shall return to God Who gave it ~ Ecclesiastes 12:7

Each of us, created for a purpose, given and appointed a number of days by our creator to live in this body on this earth....will one day meet our maker.  How will we spend eternity when this body has expired but our soul is just beginning forever? 

And how will we live our right now?  Do we seek after those things that are temporal and will one day pass away, or do we seek after those things of eternal value? 

Do we find ourselves grasping at things destined to return to dust?  Working toward goals whose ends will be found only in memories and photographs? 

The world places value on the external, physical appearance and material wealth but God looks at the condition of our heart and our soul. 

Unlike the temporary material possessions and things of this world, our journey does not end here.  One chapter is closed but our story continues.  And we, like an author with pen to paper, develop our unending plot by not what we choose or even what we do, but by Who we choose.

In light of Easter, I am consciously aware of the sacrifice Jesus made at the cross and the value of the gift of salvation He has given us. 

His love is immeasurable and He desires that when we breathe our last breath on this earth that we spend eternity with Him.  

And....He has provided a way.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
 Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
 Romans 10:9-10 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
 John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Jesus Has Risen!!

(Part 3 of 3 - Click to read Part 1 - Crucify Him and Part 2 - Is Jesus Really Gone?)

With not much sleep the night before, one by one they awaken and remember. 

They remember that Jesus has died... and the memories of the harshness of His death come flooding back. 


Deep breath.


It's difficult to wake up and grasp what has happened.  Two days ago proved to be the most tragic and hardest day ever imagined.


Yesterday offered no relief.


But somehow this morning is different.  It feels different.


It's the third day.


Suddenly the ground begins to shake!  Another earthquake?!


Quick....get everyone together!  Where are Mary and Mary Magdalene?


A peek inside the scriptures shows us an accurate account of the rest of the story as found in Matthew 28....


1 After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.


2 There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3 His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4 The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.


5 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”


8 So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9 Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”


The Guards’ Report


11 While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. 12 When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, 13 telling them, “You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ 14 If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.” 15 So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.


The Great Commission


16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
(from biblegateway)

Jesus has risen! 

He is alive and our sins have been forgiven!

And this is why we celebrate.

Not the Easter bunny.....but the Resurrected Christ!

Happy Easter, my friends!

Is Jesus Really Gone?

(part 2 of 3......find part 1 here)

I can imagine the morning after Jesus was crucified.

His mother, eyes and face swollen from tears emptied from the depths of her heart...her body void of strength...

His family, His friends....His disciples...

All who followed and believed...

The air is heavy and it's hard to breathe.  Even the birds find it difficult to sing.

Is Jesus really gone?

The image of His agony, His bloody body, the things He endured....How...did...this...happen...

The nightmare is real and there is no escaping the grim reality of His cruel death and all that was witnessed just yesterday.

As Jesus' family, friends, disciples, followers, and even those who crucified Him existed in this day - this day after He died and this day before the third day that He spoke of - aside from the gut-wrenching grief I can imagine another war was raging. 

To believe or not believe?

It seemed so impossible.  But again, it was Jesus!  The Son of God!  ....Or....was He?...

As I try to step inside the minds of those who loved Him most, on this day when all seemed lost, my own thoughts and doubts intersect and look strangely similar.

On my darkest day when I feel separated from my Savior, when my own choices and selfishness have removed me from His presence...doubt skillfully weaves its way into my weakest moment, questioning and confusing...opening a door I was not meant to walk through.

Is it real?  Is HE real?  Can He...Will He?

What would tomorrow hold?  Difficult to comprehend and mind-boggling to think about.  But something happened!!  Those hours of darkness over the land and the earthquake and the veil!!  The earth quaked!! The veil of the temple was ripped from top to bottom!  Something happened yesterday.....and still something was happening....you could feel it...uneasiness and anticipation swept over the city and throughout the countryside.

Even the Pharisees remembered that Jesus had said after three days He would rise.  So they sealed the stone to the entrance where Jesus had been taken....to make sure the disciples could not steal the body and then claim that He had risen from the dead.

What would tomorrow bring?

How could anyone sleep tonight?

The third day was soon approaching....

(To be continued....Click here for Part 3 - Jesus Has Risen!)

Crucify Him!

I close my eyes and I can see the trail left in the dirt.

I can hear the shuffling of His feet.

The sun beating down, the crowd unrelenting.

"Crucify Him!"

Shouts of hatred fill the streets.

"Crucify Him!"

Moments before, it was clear that Jesus was innocent.

"Why?  What crime has this man committed? I have found in Him no grounds for the death penalty...." (Luke 23:22).

Crucify Him!

...with loud shouts they insistently demanded that He be crucified, and their shouts prevailed.  So Pilate decided to grant their demand.  He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will."  (Luke 23:23).

Falsely accused.

Despised and rejected.

Willingly led to die.

Hung on a cross.

Mocked, Ridiculed, Abused, Broken, Wounded, Pierced...

Crucified.

And

Yet

He

Loved.

It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining.  And the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit.  When He had said this, He breathed His last."  (Luke 23:44-46).

To be continued....(the story doesn't end here....read part 2....)

Give Me Grace To Rise...

I am praying for inner transformation for me personally....and the grace to rise.

This prayer seems appropriate...

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace.  I am ashamed of my lack of desire.  O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee, I long to be filled with longing, I thirst to be made more thirsty still.  Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.  Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away."  Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

(from The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer)

What's That Smell?

There are no words to describe what I found in my refrigerator this week.

Hidden way in the back, growing in secret, changing colors until it was no longer identifiable, and smelling really bad.

Really, really bad.

In fact, the smell is what prompted my investigation.

I take pride in my house smelling good, so when Child #3 opened the fridge and unleashed an odor not so fresh and lovely, I knew there was an intruder.

My DH gets frustrated with me for putting leftovers in the fridge.  I always do it with the best of intentions, but we rarely eat them.

And sometimes something gets pushed to the back, and we forget.

Until we get an unpleasant reminder...

It's time to clean out the fridge.

Armed with Chlorox Clean-Up and a large trash bag, I set out to remove anything that looked suspicious.

Isn't it funny how God can speak to us in the oddest of times and places?

As I considered the unidentifiable, smelly, mystery food item hidden in the back corner of the refrigerator, my spiritual ears began to tingle.

How often do we have issues (sins) that we set aside for a later time and forget about them?  Unresolved conflict, offenses, doubt, unconfessed sin, unforgiveness, addictions, lies, anger...all get pushed to the back, out of sight, but eventually they begin to stink.

The fact is, the longer we ignore them, the worse they become.

Is your relationship with Jesus not as intimate as it once was?  Have apathy and complacency taken the place of the abundant life promised in the Bible? 

Maybe it's time to clean out the refrigerator.

In addressing the lukewarm church in Revelation 3, Jesus encourages believers (yes, believers) to repent.  Verse 19 says "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.  Therefore be zealous and repent."

Notice we are to not only repent, but to do it with zeal: eager desire; enthusiastic diligence; passion!

We should so eagerly desire His presence, that we become passionate to repent.

Our cry for revival is futile without repentance.  How can God dwell among a people harboring hidden sins, self-seeking and unwilling to lay everything down for the sake of the Gospel?

Jesus continues in verses 20-22, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

Let us hear what He is saying to the church. 

To us.

If we are neither hot nor cold and remain in our current state, Jesus says He will spit us out of His mouth  (v.16).

Search our hearts, O God.

Search our souls.

Shine Your light and reveal those hidden things that are keeping us from You and You from us.   We long for the fullness of Your glory!  Purify our hearts, cleanse us from iniquity, forgive us our sins...that we might dwell in Your presence...that You might dwell with us. 

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Limitations, Plane Tickets & Sponsorship Info :)

I often hear and read articles about how to go beyond limitations put on us by other people.  This is true...people do place limits, restrictions and unhealthy boundaries on us (according to their own ideals and convictions)  if we allow them to.  And they can have a profound effect on our destiny.  But what about the limits we place on ourselves?

I was reading a post the other morning about how we compare ourselves to other people.  I believe this is one of the ways we can put limits on our own God-given potential.  We look at what God is doing in another person's life instead of what He is wanting to do in our own.

We cannot compare our calling to someone else's.  The plans and purposes God has for us may be similar to another, but are unique to the gifts He has placed on the inside of each of us.

If what you feel God has called you to do seems impossible, it's because it is.  If we could do something in our own strength how could He receive the glory?  When we look to and rely on Him for the tools and equipment needed to complete the task He has placed before us, the pressure to perform and impress and succeed and be the star of the show....disappears.  It is not about us anyway.

If I allow my feelings and insecurities to dictate or give orders, I will never even begin my assignment.

If I allow past failures, people's opinions of me, or negative thoughts to speak louder than the Truth (God), I will stay where I am. 

As you know, I am making plans to attend my first writer's conference this July.  I feel like this is part of my next step in ministry and am stepping out in faith to follow Him.

Last week, after applying for and not winning two scholarships (among some other discouragement that tried to sneak in), I began to question if I was "good enough" to even go to the conference (enter negative thoughts, peoples opinions, insecurities...).

Are you kidding me?

Of course, I'm not "good enough" at anything!  Isn't that what faith is all about?  Isn't that what makes the impossible such a miracle when it happens? 

I am not good enough.  But because of Jesus - what He has done, Who He is and what He has placed in my hands - that which is impossible for me (and for you) becomes possible in Him.

Purpose to take the limits and restrictions off.  God is wanting to bring His people (you) out of obscurity and use them (you) in strategic, new ways.  We must hear His voice over all the distractions and noise that would try to prevent us and keep us from His plans and purposes (which are far greater than ours).

So, I am going to purchase my plane ticket to North Carolina (She Speaks Conference) within the next two weeks and there will be no turning back!

I am currently raising funds for my registrations fees.  Proverbs 31 has provided a sponsorship letter to help raise support....you can find it here if you feel God leading you to help me with this next step.

And thank you, always, for your encouraging words! 

God has great plans, friends!  Believe for the impossible!  Let us hear what the Lord is saying and obey.

Six Words

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. ~Proverbs 19:21

I could write a book on all the plans I have made for myself and all the times I've tried to figure things out on my own.

In fact, I am writing that book :)

But for now, I'm entering another chance for a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference in July to attend the Writer's Track.  Our assignment was to write a story IN SIX WORDS and post it on our blog as well as the blog hosting the contest She Reads  (You can enter, too!).

So what's my story in six words?

Over-planned and Unfulfilled.  Finding His Rhythm.

I'm walking it out.

And He's working.

Messy places and all.

All my planning has left me tired and unfulfilled.   I'm finding His rhythm....one grace at a time.

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Not sure what the She Speaks Conference is all about?  Hop on over and check it out!  And if you decide to go, maybe I'll see ya there! :)

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

Hidden in whispers of concern, criticism and judgement clothe themselves in convincing disguises.

Envy compliments through forced smiles.

Manipulation and control wear many masks, often confusing even the one on whose face they rest.

And there is not even one who is exempt from the trickery of pride.  Pretend humility.

Things are not always what they seem.

It is easy to read this and immediately think of everyone it applies to. 

Even while writing I found that pictures would pop into my mind of people who had manipulated or controlled or criticized or judged me. 

But what about the times when I criticized someone?

Or judged?

Or manipulated?

Or tried to control?

Suddenly, my words came more slowly and I meditated on what God was saying.

Do I have the courage to peek inside my own heart?

Am I brave enough to ask God to show me my true motives?

Help me, God.

Help me to examine the secret chambers of my heart....those places that I've hidden even from myself. 

You see them. 

And You are not pleased.

Forgive me.

All a person’s ways seem pure to them,but motives are weighed by the LORD. ~Proverbs 16:2

A person may think their own ways are right, but the LORD weighs the heart. ~Proverbs 21:2

My Soul Longs For Him

No matter where I may be at the moment, or what my circumstances are, His presence always refreshes and sustains me.  Set aside some quiet time with Him and be refreshed and renewed in His presence this weekend. 

(Reposting from 2010)

All morning my spirit sang "My soul longs for You.....my soul longs for You..." Over and over again.

I could feel an invitation. It was an appointed time for me to fellowship with my Father, and I could find no words other than the five I had recited a hundred times already...

My soul longs for You...

With each breath I spoke these words came an increase in their depth and meaning.

My soul longs for You...

I spoke them until I could speak no more. I was captivated and captured by His holy presence and my words failed me.

From deep within, my spirit uttered words outside of my understanding and beyond my human comprehension. There were no words in my vocabulary appropriate or adequate for this moment...

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts...

Wonderfully amazing.

Indescribably good.

Like nothing on earth.

There is a yearning on the inside of each of us. A longing only our Creator can satisfy. No matter how or what we try to substitute, there is nothing or no one worthy to fill the place that cries out for Him.

My soul DOES long for Him....

And sometimes, whether in times of visitation, worship, repentance, brokenness or desperation, often our words fail us.

I am reminded of the song by Amy Grant, "Better Than a Hallelujah."

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are
the honest cries of breaking hearts...

...the silence when the words don't come...

...better than a hallelujah sometimes...

It's not in the eloquence of our speech, the perfection in our posture, impressive vocabulary, or any righteousness we think we might have, but in the beauty of our brokenness, coming to God just as we are...

Honestly.

Openly.

Surrendered.

Answer Him when He calls.

Open the door when He knocks.

Say yes to His invitation.

Let Him be the One to satisfy the longing that only He can.

O God, You are my God,

Early will I seek You,

My soul thirsts for You,

My flesh longs for You

In a dry and thirsty land

Where there is no water.

Psalm 63:1