Transformed

Though my doctor delivered a bad report and breathed out uncertainty, my God breathed life and spoke promises that couldn't be broken. I heard His voice that day on the floor of my bedroom. "I have already taken care of it," He said. And with those words my spirit rejoiced and my heart believed.

Those few months at the end of my third and last pregnancy marked the beginning of a transformation for me. After a diagnosis of melanoma, life was suddenly more precious and each day demanded celebration of the goodness of God all around me. But in the midst of celebration I was required to change. Moving forward required a thorough evaluation of every area of my life. Without change there can be no growth.

From September to December of that year I took the first steps of leaving behind a life of pleasing others and satisfying self and embraced this God I had almost forgotten.

I found  myself in the middle of a crisis but really I had been in dangerous territory for some time.

As the doctor revealed my physical condition God exposed my spiritual condition.

Eight years later my transformation continues. I still hear whispers of the enemy and feel the pull of temptation to cram my schedule so full that God gets squeezed out. And I sometimes still feel the need to seek the approval of man at the expense of pleasing God.

But I remember that place. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and overwhelming anxiety and the fear that I could never do enough or never be good enough.

And I refuse to go back there.

Instead, I continue pressing forward, facing self and pride and lies of the enemy and sin head on, determined to live in communion with my Father. To know Him and to be known by Him.

I am amazed at His love and His mercy and His grace. I am thankful that He took me right where I was and loved me enough to refuse permission to stay there.

Our current Bible study has been challenging us to once again look within and allow God to change and transform us from the inside out. All week our focus has been transformation and change. And this morning our Pastor used our memory verse (Romans 12:2) as the center of his message. And the familiarity of his words brought me to my knees at the end of the service. "In transformational holiness God's voice begins to pierce through all the distractions and craziness of the world. It is here we begin to know His perfect will for our lives," Pastor James Holt.

I love how God confirms His message everywhere we go. If we are seeking Him, we shall surely find Him.

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 Corinthians 3:18

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

(PS...My biopsy results from last week were clear! Thank you for your prayers!)

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Joining with Melissa Taylor and a community of women as we seek God and His word in our current Online Bible Study: Stressed - Less Living by Tracie Miles.

The Boys Bathed in the Mud That Morning

(My little blog has been severely neglected lately, as I am working (again) on my book that will one day (by faith) be published. I miss this space, and all of you. :) Thought I would take a break to post tonight and say hello.)

It was Spring Break and the boys bathed in the mud that morning. They also peppered the living room and hallway with forgotten toys and left-over crumbs from their microwaved lunch. But as I stared at the carton of chocolate delight all I could think about was surprising them with a double-decker, Rocky Road, waffle ice cream cone.

I walked outside and there they sat. Dirty and right in the middle of a home-made fort, built with broken pieces of outdoor furniture, leftover lumber, and any salvageable yard debris they could find.

My heart was giddy as my hands carefully held their dripping surprises behind my back. Certain my smile would give me away I tried to make small talk on the way to their newly constructed site.

"Whatcha doing, guys?"

"We're just sitting in our fort."

"That's a nice fort. How about an ice cream break?"

Their eyes lit up when met with chocolate bliss and a gasp of happiness escaped their eight and nine year old mouths.

My heart overflowed in the midst of their messes.

Isn't that how God is? He finds us dirty, sitting broken and scrounging for leftovers. And He finds joy in blessing. His Father heart desires to surprise us with extravagant gifts. Showing up when we least expect Him, He offers grace and opens mercy in the morning.

God sees you.

No matter where you are or what is going on, He knows.

And His heart overflows with love FOR YOU.

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

When the Job is Too Big

Photo Credit: Tin Bucket Photography

It's so hard when the very thing with which you are encouraging and counseling others slaps you right in the face. (I thought I had this all worked out?) And immediately the accusations come and bring their friends...feelings of unworthiness and the thought that God must have gotten me mixed up with someone else more together or more "spiritual."

Do you ever feel like a big, fat nothing? A nobody? A complete failure? Like, who am I kidding and what am I doing?

It seems like every time I start on a project (article, devotional, study, etc), I immediately feel unworthy and inadequate...ill-equipped to successfully complete the task before me. Sometimes it feels too big and out of my league. I am, after all, just a small town country girl who got pregnant before marriage, never finished college, has piles of laundry, occasionally yells at her kids and gets mad at her husband.

It's so tempting to say, "No, I can't do this."

But I know God has another plan. And He IS all-sufficient and more than adequate and overly equipped...and He will equip me and you to do whatever it is He has called us to do. No matter how many times we fail or how many times we sigh the sigh of frustration or cover our face in anguish or clench our fists or lay prostrate in desperation...He is there to pick us up and hold our hand and take us to that place of refuge and restoration. Again, and again, and again.

In our stretching, in our enlarging, in our growing...often we break open, spilling and exposing junk that has been there all along but covered and hidden and deceiving. It feels good (to our pride) to think we have arrived...we are among the spiritually elite (whatever that means). But, really, none of us have made it, nor will we until we meet our Savior face to face.

We are all on a journey to becoming.

Are you overwhelmed or frustrated or discouraged today? Do you feel like God must have made a mistake because the job is just too big? Do you feel like you have messed up one too many times and you're now disqualified?

You are not alone, friend.

You are not the only one who gets tricked into believing these lies from time to time.

God does not measure our worth the way we measure ourselves or determine our value by our accomplishments, education, past mistakes, or other people's opinions of us.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

For 2011, I had a word for the year: Fearless.

For 2012, I have a scripture. It fits well in this post and my life.

And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18.

As we continue to peek inside the Word of God and allow Him to reveal things, expose things, purge things...our journey of transformation continues. Our lives are living, breathing testimonies of what He can do when we cannot. Of what He can forgive when we fail. Of what He can do in His strength when we feel like we are going to pass out from weakness. Of what He can do when the job really is too big for us, because it usually is...and I think He planned it that way.

When you mess up, don't disqualify or count yourself out. Your Father doesn't.


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ~Jeremiah 29:11.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding ~Proverbs 3:5.


The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the [whole] person; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple ~ Psalm 19:7.

Prayer:

Thank you, God, that no matter how many times I mess up, You do not disqualify me. You are taking my blemishes and scars and wounds and traditions and unbelief and restoring my whole person. You have plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future. Help me to lean on, trust in, and be confident in You with all my heart and all my mind. Thank You for mercy and grace on this journey of transformation. I am a big fat nothing without You, but with You I am a daughter of the King. All praise and honor and glory to You, my God.

Choosing To Be Filled Again....and Again

Did you read my post yesterday? We had a powerful, emotional, hope-filled, proud to be an American service at church and I wrote about it here.

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Recently I committed to posting scriptures and encouragement every morning on my facebook ministry page. Today was the first day to do so. I also had a few other things on my plate for this manic Monday. I literally hit the floor running from the time the alarm clock sounded. I was at the track by 7:35 for my second day of training for my first 5K (yes, you heard me correctly). I decided to run my first 5K in preparation for my journey to 40 on my new blog (also launched today) Becoming 40. - you can read more about my adventures in running (aka... walking fast) as well as some other light, funny tidbits on aging gracefully. Aaaand the last major thing on my list for today was to clean my closet. This was, of course, in addition to all the normal WAHM stuff like breakfast, clean-up, laundry, running the kids to school, more laundry, picking one kids u from school, picking another kid up from football practice, dinner and more clean-up.

That was a busy introductory paragraph. But I said all that to say this.

In encouraging, entertaining and taking care of everyone else, I forgot to encourage myself. Yes, I read a few scriptures, said a small prayer with my kids before school and sang along with tunes on our local Christian radio station, but it was not enough.

I empty myself out every day. By the time I get in the bed (which is usually very late), I am completely drained. If I do not pull away from everything first thing in the morning and spend some alone time with God, time to praise, time to refill and time to get empowered for the tasks ahead, my day goes downhill quickly. It's not possible to run on empty, so about mid-day today I was wanting to pull the covers over my head and not do or think about anything.

Outside pressures and circumstances that have been present for some time seemed bigger today and attempted to overwhelm. Financial pressures, decisions that need to be made, deadlines, concerns for friends and family, the search for a part time job, the need of a new, faster, more efficient computer, teenager stuff...just to name a few.

The difference between yesterday and today is that today I put my eyes on the tasks before me and looked to my own ability to complete them. When I take my eyes off of Him, my faith begins to shrink and my feet begin to sink. I know this from experience...time and time again.

Want to know what I encouraged my readers to do this morning? Exactly what I didn't do.

Today, put your confidence not in your own ability, but in God's.

Hmmm.

And the scripture I provided?

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand will save me. The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever....Psalm 138:7-8.

I am thankful His mercy endures forever. I am thankful tomorrow I can start over.

Tomorrow, the same circumstances and pressures will most likely still be there, but even in the midst of trouble, He revives me. He fills me, empowers me, and offers grace.

So, tonight, I am off to encourage myself in the Lord. Putting my eyes back on Him, I choose to believe His promises and accept His grace.

I choose to be filled once again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

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Linking with my sweet friends, Jen @ Finding Heaven and Shanda for On Your Heart Tuesday. If you have time to browse, be sure to hop over and read some other great blogs. And don't forget to check out my new blog and see my big, frizzy hair from my Senior Year Prom, 1991. :)




 

Hear It On Sunday, Use It On Monday & A Tribute

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. We will not fear. Psalm 4:1-2

At the beginning of service this morning, the congregation rose, hand over heart, eyes fixed on our American flag displayed proudly at the front of the stage. In unison, voices pledged allegiance to the red, white and blue and sang of the land of the free and the home of the brave.

A Tribute to lives lost ten years ago, on the day that forever changed America and left hearts aching

In the middle of crisis, the fierceness of the storm, the heat of the battle, it is easy to give in and give up. But the victory comes with digging in heels and drawing strength from the inner depths of your being, strength you never knew you had, strength that overcomes the greatest evil...His strength in our weakness. We continue to rise above this tragedy and pray for America to remember who she is, to take her rightful place, to once again stand for truths upon which she was founded ...and to trust in God.

A Tribute to Fallen Soldiers, a moment of silence and prayer for hurting families

A Tribute to active/retired soldiers abroad and in our own congregation

Below is Retired Sgt. Brian Fleming - our guest speaker.

http://www.blownupguy.com/

He gives a powerful testimony of one soldier's journey from being blown up twice in Afghanistan to using his story to bring hope to others and his voice to tell of the love of Christ all across the world.

We are the United States of America. We are the land of the free, the home of the brave.

God Bless America!

Linking today with Michelle at Nebraska Graceful

and counting gifts with Ann at A Holy Experience

76 freedom to worship

77 men and women who risk their lives for our freedom

78 the ability to forgive

79 courage to press on

80 hope to become better

81 love that covers and heals

82 His strength in my weakness

83 gentle reminders that keep things in perspective

84 grace for this journey

85 mercies new in the morning

How Did That Grow There?



In my hurried state, I step over it, never glancing down to confirm its existence.


But he, six and very aware, focuses in on the lone weed trespassing on the pavement.


"Mom, how did that grow there?"


Turning around I notice the obvious subject of his question.  Hard and rough, the asphalt lies bare except for this intruder that has somehow found its being where it should have been impossible to grow.  Tall and proud and boldly declaring that it belongs here.


I consider his question and know that God will speak in the answer.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


Our Pastor has been preaching boldly the last three weeks on sin in the church, in the lives of Christians.  According to published polls and statistics there is not much difference in the lives of Christians and the lives of non-Christians in areas such as divorce, adultery, drug and alcohol abuse, pornography, teen sex and pretty much anything else you can think of.


"There must be a crack in the foundation."


When I consider my own life and the struggles and strongholds present - no matter how small or how great - I hear my son's question once again...


"How did that grow there?"


In my hurried state, perhaps I have stepped over some weeds and neglected to confirm their existence, but to deny or ignore their existence doesn't mean they are not there.


Help me, Lord, to slow down and recognize those things that are not pleasing to You.  Search me and and show me the cracks in my foundation.  Rain down your mercy and grace and give me wisdom to repair.  Let my life be pleasing to You, revealing Your character in me, sharing You love with those around me. 


"Search me, O God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a


"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14


"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10


"Nevertheless, the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: "The Lord knows those who are His," and "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity." 2 Timothy 2:19

Share Your Story!

I think one of the biggest obstacles that we face in pursuing our relationship with God and operating in the ministry that He has called us to is letting go of our past. For me personally, there was a lot of regret, shame, and guilt over things that I had done or things I had neglected to do. Past failures, mistakes, and disappointments that we have never let go of have a tendency to hide in the cracks and crevices of our heart, resurfacing at strategic times to bring condemnation or convince us that we can never go beyond where we are. If allowed, our mind can paint images of ourselves that are far from how God sees us.  If we do not know the truth, we will succomb to the lies that are meant to hold us captive and prevent us from fulfilling our destiny.


In and of myself, no matter how "good" I am, I can never be good enough to deserve what Jesus has done for me. Even though I always make better choices than I did when I was away from God, self occasionally tries (and succeeds) to rise up with selfishness, greed, pride, bad attitude....you know the ones! ....like when I totally blow it with my kids or say things to my husband out of hurt that I can't take back. I always feel like a real winner when that happens. I have learned that if when I mess up, I just need to take a deep breath, step back, be quick to ask for forgiveness, and start over. I even try to use those moments as opportunties for teaching and growing.


Imperfect in all my ways, there is One who emcompasses all that I was created to be, One who possesses all the qualities and charactersitics that I long to reflect. God, in all His majesty.....Jesus, perfect in every way....Holy Spirit, comforter and so much more.....3, yet One. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. He Who knew me before I was in my mother's womb (Jer. 1:5), He Who thinks good thoughts toward me (Jer. 29:11), He Who is love (1 Jn 4:9).... loves me!


I continually remind myself what God says about me, who He says I am, and that He has good things in store for me. As I do this, just as the sun rises every morning forcing the darkness to hide or lose its existence, so does the hope that is on the inside of me - rising to dispell any negative thoughts or discouragement that may have crept in. I remind myself that my Father's love is unconditional. Immersing myself in His presence, I see how beautiful He is and become unaware of anything else, because nothing else matters in this moment. His grace falls like rain, covering every inch of my being.


My past is who I was, not who I am, but it will always be part of my testimony. We each have a story to share, telling of obstacles we have overcome, lifestyles that have been changed and all the grace, mercy, forgiveness, love and goodness of God that came with it! And everytime we share our story, it not only has the ability to set someone else free, but it helps us to continue to overcome the enemy in our own life and strengthens our faith.


"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" (Revelation 12:11).


Within each day lies the opportunity to embrace or reject the path that has been set before us.  Our lives cross so many people who have no hope and do not know that there is One Who loves them more than any other.  Look for the opportunity to encourage someone today. Let them know what God has done in your life. Use your story, your testimony.  Don't allow your past to determine your future.....use your past to go forward and step into the ministry God has called you to!


"Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses" (I Timothy 6:12).