Unglued Blog Hop Week 3

(Flickr Creative Commons - Evil Erin)

To read last Thursday's post, Unglued Blog Hop Week 2, click here.

I should have known participating in this study would have consequences. I'm thinking a warning label is appropriate.

WARNING: This study may cause "Unglued" moments to arise in your life.

Seriously.

In my small group yesterday, our fearless leader, Christa, asked the question:

What carnival ride comes the closest to describing your experience of progress?
Bumper Cars
Big Slide

Drop Tower
Ferris Wheel
Roller Coaster
Tea Cups
Mechanical Bull
Ball Pit
Air Hockey

I am normally a very even-tempered person, with an occasional exploding or barrier building moment. But since beginning this study, life has been interesting. There have been bumper car rides, big, slippery slides, scary drop towers, dizzying roller coasters...you get the picture.

But hey, practice makes perfect imperfect progress, right?

Without going into details, I have had many, many opportunities to apply what I've been learning...most of which have revealed areas still needing lots of work.

Lots.

Of.

Work.

In.

Me.

Lysa states, "Raw emotions won't sit quietly awaiting further instructions. They'll move - outward if we explode and inward if we stuff."

Learning to recognize triggers (things, situations or people) and the "whys" of our raw and sometimes negative emotions is a huge step in the right direction. Why does this person make me feel this way? Why do those words hurt so much?  Why do I want to run away, cry, stomp my foot, or pull my hair out when ____________?

(Tin Bucket Photography)

 

Certain responses from people (or no response at all) can leave me feeling rejected and alone which in turn lead to more negative feelings and emotions. But there is a bigger issue and something I need to deal with deep down on the inside.

This statement from Lysa has been a great tool for me: "Feelings are indicators, not dictators." I do not have to act based on my raw emotions and feelings but it is my responsibility to acknowledge and deal with the root cause.

A wonderful piece of advice (and reminder) for us is found on page 62. "Do not check in with the screaming demands of the world before you exchange whispers with God."

When I am prepared and built up spiritually, I can hear God speak and recognize when the Holy Spirit is trying to do a work in me. Moving to the next level or into the next season God has for us may require unearthing past hurts still tender from physical or emotional trauma, digging deep to remove false beliefs about ourselves, discovering areas of unforgiveness or sin, and other painful paths to healing and growth. The good news is God does not ask that we do any of this alone. His grace and mercy are constant companions if we allow them to be. And He gives us wisdom and prepares the way for victory if we remain teachable.

One of our memory verses for this week is found in I Peter 5: 8:

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

 

And devour is exactly what he does in that moment of raw emotion when we are not prepared.

 

Some synonyms for devour are: annihilate, destroy, exhaust, ravage. Have you ever felt destroyed and annihilated after an unglued moment?

 

I have.

 

But when we are spiritually prepared, we are more alert and aware and able to practice the spiritual fruit of self-control. And Lord knows, controlling self is our greatest challenge. With supernatural help and impartation from God Himself, we are able to prevent this prowling, roaring lion from devouring  us.

We don't have to be exhausted or ravaged or annihilated or destroyed.

God has a better plan. There is a purpose for everything we must walk through. And there is a masterpiece underneath all those hard places.

Can you see it taking form?

As I said last week, I'm so thankful He loves us enough to not leave us where we are, but gives us the opportunity to change and grow and start over again and again.

As I press forward, I continue to "hear the clink of the Master's chisel."

I am tuning my ears to listen, opening my eyes wide to see, and preparing my heart to say yes.

And I choose to call it all grace.

Praying for all of you, today, my sweet sisters. God loves us more than we can ever imagine. He sees the masterpiece in us. And He calls us His.

*******************************
For further reading and personal invitations inside of some beautiful women's hearts and what God is doing in their lives through this study, please click on the picture below to visit Melissa Taylor's place, where I am privileged to link up today.

 

Distracted by Boredom?

Day 11 since my surgery and I am going stir crazy. Recovery was going well until I decided to over-do it a little by walking up and down steps to get outside and next door. Soooo...I have been re-confined to my bed for the last three days and the rest of this weekend. I have a new appreciation for people who have to stay home or inside for any reason and any length of time.

I am not someone who struggles with depression but I can see how easy it would be for someone to find themselves in a dark place while recovering. Luckily, it comes natural for me to encourage myself when I feel myself slipping. Plus, I have had lots of amazing people from our church to bring dinner (and dessert) every night and my mom lives next door so she is always just a few seconds away.

I had plans to write and be productive while laying in the bed but can I just be honest? Those plans have not been fulfilled. Is it possible to be distracted by boredom? I've had all this "free" time placed in my lap and I can't even focus enough to read much less put organized thoughts down on paper.

Since my words are few, I will share my week with you again with pictures.

I took this pic on my last day outside this past week. I miss my garden but it will be exciting to see how much everything has grown in my absence!

My hubby built this little shed for feed and garden tools. I love old doors so when he made this new door out of old wood, it made me happy :)

My daughter's horse loves to peek in on the new rabbits. I think they've become friends.

Can you tell I would much rather be outdoors?

I joined a photo challenge on instagram and today's theme was "empty". I found this pile of empty containers that were once filled with dinners brought by special friends this week. 

My mom and I are giving my sister a baby "sprinkle" (instead of a shower since big sister is sharing her stuff) in a few weeks. My mom brought over some things that could be completed from my recliner and without exerting too much energy. :)  These are note cards for advice or encouragement from those who attend. They will be hung on a tabletop "tree" once completed.

And here they are again put together much nicer for a better pic. I love the colors of ribbon we are using to match the nursery. We also completed the super cute invitations (pic later).

Image credit: sergeyp / 123RF Stock Photo

I did get one thing written this week - one of my monthly articles for Blissfully Domestic. Stay tuned for some great summer pedicure ideas!

Last but certainly not least, I will be joining an online Bible study tomorrow with Melissa Taylor and others using Glynnis Whitwer's new book "I Used to Be So Organized." I have never been organized (at least the way I want to be) so I am hoping I can still pick up a some helpful tips and encouragement. Interested in joining this nine week study? Read more about it here.

I hope you've had a fabulous week! School is out for us and we are ready to get on with our summer activities! A few more weeks of rest and recovery and we will be on our way to Sea World San Antonio (hopefully)! :) Until then, lots of movies and books and pizza! And luckily for the kids we live in the country so there's plenty to do outside - four wheelers, fishing, swimming, basketball, etc.

Do you have any special plans for summer?

Still Persevering, Still Learning, Still Overcoming

Things have been a little quiet on my blog this week.

My apologies.

I have stepped back to get some things in order at home and in ME.

It's good to do that sometimes.

• Remind yourself where you're going and why you booked the trip.
• Make sure your laundry is washed, folded, and put away before you go.
• Reorganize your suitcase to make sure you have all you need.

I'm not talking about an actual trip, of course (unless someone wants to send me on a paid vacation).  I'm talking about this life journey once again.

Have I stayed the course?

Have I been sidetracked by detours, bad weather, or road hazards?

Does my car need to be serviced?

Does my GPS display the correct destination?

One of the things I am doing is reading more (still writing, but just not posting everything yet). I am doing two book/Bible studies, decluttering and organizing my home, working on a companion study guide for my Pastor, continuing to learn the craft of writing, and still working on two projects of my own (my book for traditional publishing and a short ebook).

One of the studies I have joined is an online study for A Confident Heart by Renee Swope (I actually met Renee at a conference last year where I picked up a copy of her book). I've read part of it before but I could read it over and over again. It speaks to the very center of me. It challenges me, reminds me, and encourages me. We are just on Chapter One this week, so if you'd like to join, there is still time.

Today, she asked us to reread Chapter One: Discovering the Shadow of My Doubts. In it, she compares self-doubt and uncertainty to an actual shadow on the wall.

• "...I turned around to put my makeup bag in my suitcase, which was on the floor. That's when I noticed a huge nine-foot shadow on the wall. I was surprised by how much bigger my shadow was than my five-foot-two-inch frame."
• "It was distorting my image on the wall by making my body look bigger than it really was. All of a sudden, it dawned on me. My uncertainty had created a huge shadow of doubt. Just like my shadow on the wall was distorting my shape, my doubt was distorting my thoughts and overpowering my emotions with confusion and questions."

This makes perfect sense to me. I can look back and see times in my life (and even now) where the shadow created by my own self-doubt distorted my thoughts while confusing and discouraging me.

I remember last year when I signed up for my first Writer's Conference, She Speaks. Boy, was that a huge thing for me. Once upon a time I had a little more courage and gumption, but these years as a stay at mom have become quite the comfortable norm for me. Traveling many states away to a conference where I did not know anyone took a little effort.

As I reflect on my pre-conference jitters, I can recognize the distorted images in my head:

• Why are YOU going? You are not qualified. Surely everyone there is a professional while you are just a stay at home mom.
• No one wants to network with you. What do YOU have to offer?
• You are not a writer, you are just a blogger who makes no difference.
• You never even finished college. How do expect to write a book?
• And speaking? That's funny. Don't embarrass yourself. Those girls at She Speaks are so much better.
• Just don't get on the plane. You will be relieved you didn't.

Yes, those are some actual thoughts I had. And even as I am preparing to register for this year and continuing to write, I hear some of them trying to revisit.

I am reminding myself of this week's memory verse:

"But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the lord their hope and confidence" (Jeremiah 17:7).

I am reminding myself that these words DO make a difference and I AM a writer.

Is there an area where the shadow of doubt has distorted your thoughts, overpowered your emotions and caused confusion?

Remind yourself of God's word. Remind yourself of the gifts and talents He has placed within you. And remind yourself He chose to use you as a vessel to bring His glory to the earth.

As Renee said in Chapter One, "We will find our heart's confidence in Christ as we learn how to rely on the power of His promises in our everyday lives."

Put your hope and confidence in the One who won't let you down.

I am.

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised" (Hebrews 10:35-36).

Chapters 11 & 12 (The end...or the beginning?)

We are at the end of our book study!  What an amazing journey this has been.  As I have said before, this is a book that will probably not find it's way to the donation pile :)  I will read it, quote it and read it again.

God is calling us "-in our heart of  hearts- to follow Him on the unpredictable, but exhilarating journey of life!" 

Chapter 11:  Living Beyond Fear

The Lord is my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the defense of my life;

Whom shall I dread?

Psalm 27:1

If you've ever struggled with fear, you know there is truth in the following statements:

Fear is truly the enemy of passion and a roadblock to the wisdom God would give us.

Fear can breed a kind of paralysis that makes you think you have to wait until the fear is gone to do the thing you need to do.

...where the fear that stalks our souls and strangles the life of our hearts comes from resisting the gentle prodding of God to move out into life in some new way.

....we get stuck in a shrunken form of the life we are meant to have.

What is it (if anything) that you are afraid of?  What is the one thing that is holding you back from living the life God meant for you to live?

I love this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face....You must do the thing you cannot do.

When we operate in fear, we are being controlled by whatever it is that we are afraid of.  We are accepting limits and boundaries placed on our lives by the thing that does not want us to succeed or move forward.  When we move forward anyway, and DO IT AFRAID....we are taking back ground that was stolen from us and releasing ourselves from the chains that held us captive.

That we are afraid is not a mark of being insufficient to the task or made of inferior stuff.  Risk is always part of the package (pg. 167).

The movement of God in our lives is always to take us by the hand and walk us through the territory of our fear.  Sometimes that feels like the adventure it is - other times, we are led there kicking and screaming.  But God leads in that direction because it is the place of encounter with Him (pg 161).

Fear comes in many different packages, colors, shapes and sizes.  Our own insecurities are rooted fear. And if we let them, they will speak to us with "advice" that is not so Godly or encouraging! On this topic, Paula quotes Nicole Johnson on page 164, "These voices keep our souls chained in the basement.  They make us fearful to try anything new, anxious about what others may think of us, and they keep us on the treadmill of performance (oh my, I've started that exercise program one too many times!).  In short, if we allow them, these voices can easily rob every ounce of enjoyment from the lives we have.  Many women don't even know they are giving power to the voices, living in a state of constant self-disapproval.  Understand this: these voices can immobilize us and keep us from dreaming our dreams.  They can discourage us and cause us to think too small and expect too little from our lives....They make us afraid to be who we are.  The voices can keep us from writing books or changing careers or loving our children well......But only if we let them."

When we begin to trust God in spite of the fear whispering (or sometimes screaming) in our ear, and step out in faith to do that which He has told us to do, there we will find Him, His provision, and the grace we need to complete our task.  In that place of trust, we begin to know Christ intimately.  In that place of intimacy, in that place of KNOWING, we begin to BE.  We begin to live the life we were meant to live.

A few questions from the back of the book to keep you thinking! (pg 233-237)

Do you ever see the smiles of confident women and think they are made of sturdier stuff?  In what way do you identify with the tendency to wait until you no longer feel fear, rather than "doing it afraid"?

If your fear assumed a voice (which it does), what would it say to you? What does the harsh negative message in your mind sound like?

Now, as you pray, think of Jesus sitting with you in the place of your fear.  What words of encouragement do you think He would speak to you?

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear, or be dismayed. Deut. 31:6,8

Our book ends with Chapter 12: Longing for Resolution.

The central question before us has been, "How do we make this journey with the Lord without leaving our hearts behind somewhere on the trail?"

Some advice from Paula on pg. 169, "I would suggest to you that making the journey well, with your heart intact, hinges on how you see the big picture of your life.  How does the story end? Do the broken pieces ever really come back together? Is there resolution of some sort? For if there is, then it may actually be both safe and wise to bring your heart along for the ride."

She compares our life on earth as a cover page to a book.  It is only a very "small part of our story.  We were ultimately created for our Father in heaven.  Our way home to Him has already been prepared.  It is something we run toward, while living in this moment with "our heart open and alive....because our future looks really bright."

The future riddles the here and now with meaning.  It frees your heart to truly live (pg. 174).

If God has you in the palm of His hand and your real life is secure in Him, then you can venture forth- into the places, the relationships, the challenges, the very heart of the storm- and you will be safe there (pg. 174).

The last 2 paragraphs of the book, finish our study well and leave my heart expectant.....

There are only three options for approaching life, Gerald May wrote in his book Addiction and Grace. We can deny the call of God on our lives or just pretend the call isn't there.  Or we can try to claim control of the the shape and form our lives will take.  The third option, he says, is the courageous attempt "to face life in a truly undefended and open way".....Where trusting God is indeed the only agenda that makes any sense at all. It is a posture of "gracious uncertainty (Oswald Chambers)", meaning that we have given up the illusion of being certain of anything but God......In this place of gracious uncertainty, we wait. For the broken pieces to be brought back together.  For the meaning of our suffering to be revealed in His.  For the righteous reign of a might God, whose goodness we will spend all eternity celebrating. We wait- with open, expectant hearts."

Thank you for taking this journey with me.  I pray that you have heard God calling you.  That you have rediscovered your heart, and all that is within, and that you have allowed Him into those places that no one- maybe not even yourself - knew were there.  That you have gained strength and started healing.  That you have begun to know Christ more intimately than you ever have before.  And that you've found the courage to say "yes" when you hear Him speak. 

XO

Shelly

(PS...Thank you to Angie and Jessica, who hosted this study on the Bloom Book Club blog and prompted us to follow along.  Without them, we may never have found this book!  And thank you to Paula Rinehart, for your obedience in writing Strong Women, Soft Hearts!  Click on the links to find your way to their websites...you'll be glad you did!)

Chapter Ten: Loving Beyond Reason

(Since I was on a mini vacation last week with my hubby, I am playing "catch up" and publishing 2 posts back to back.  So, if you're following along with our book study, be sure to read the previous post as well.  Also, keep checking The Bloom Book Club for updates!)

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one.  It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. " C.S. Lewis

Paula starts off chapter 10 by saying that "our hearts are safe until love enters the picture.......The hope in becoming a strong woman with a soft heart is that God would set us free to love - lavishly and with wild abandon - the people he puts into our lives.  That's what we've been made for. But loving well is no small assignment."

How true is this?!  I can think of many close relationships in my life where I've loved and been hurt (and when I've been the one to do the hurting). Sometimes, we stink at loving.  And sometimes love just stinks.  It never feels good to be let down, abandoned, betrayed, neglected.....

"Loving someone is the one venture in life in which the more you succeed, the more you have to lose."

So so true.

But....

"The capacity to love - to really give ourselves to someone in a marriage, or even a friendship - is what God made us for.  He calls us, first of all, to risk our hearts with Him......to love others out of the love we've been given."

"We also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts." Romans 5:3-5

Paula explains that the "greatest evidence that we know God is relational"....as found in John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

There is so much in loving each other and having (and sustaining) close relationships.  Love.  It sounds so simple, but because of our complexities and our JUNK, we make it complex and difficult at times. 

She quotes Henri J. M. Nouwen, a French priest, "We must hold each other as we would hold a wounded bird.  If we grip too tightly, we will crush the life out of the other person.  And if we don't hold securely enough, of course, the relationship will falter altogether."

I have a tendency to not hold securely enough.  I don't know what it is, or which of my JUNK drawers I need to look in to find the reason, but I usually step back when I should maybe step a little closer.  It doesn't come naturally for me to open up and share my most intimate feelings or struggles....maybe that's why I write.  I find it easier to share here. :)  Thanks for listening.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I sometimes offer advice too quickly in an effort to try and "fix" things. Because I'm a peace maker, and I like to help!  But that's not always a good thing.   "In a close relationship, we have to recognize the part of the equation that uniquely belongs to the other person.  It's their choice, their feelings, their responsibility, their painful past - that kind of thing."  In other words, sometimes stepping back is the right thing to do.  Sometimes loving is letting go, or at least giving a little room for God to do what only He can do.

"...close relationships always contain generous measures of strength and softness, of yes and no.  Love in a fallen world utterly requires them both."

Loving well requires that we say "yes" but that we also say "no" when it needs to be said.  The strength to say "no" is "a part of the equation."  Paula explains that setting boundaries in relationships is one way of saying no.  (If you are interested, there is a book about setting boundaries that is really good!  "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend)

"Loving someone well is a kind of tending of the relationship, not unlike cultivating a garden.  The relationship itself is almost a third being: not you, not the other person, but a living thing itself.  For the sake of the relationship - for the sake of love itself - you offer the warmth and attention that would allow something good to grow, even though past hurt can make you wary.  But the relationship, like any good garden, needs cultivation.  And similarly, honesty insists that you tell the truth about the weeds taking over in certain spaces.  Any real relationship will take some back-breaking work in the hot sun with a hoe in your hand.  A good gardener knows that if she ignores the weeds, they take over.  The reward comes in small moments of intimacy and connectedness - moments only, as elusive as any summer butterfly - but they do come. We just cultivate the garden as best we can. And try to be patient."

Study Questions (pg. 229-232)

1.  When are the times in a close relationship that you are most reminded of the exquisite pain that loving someone well entails? 

2.  If your heart had actual walls around it, would those walls be too thick - meaning that it's hard to get close to you? Or would those walls be too thin - meaning that you are more easily taken advantage of and you require too little of others? Why?

Chapter 9 Sexuality

We are down to our last few posts of our book study.  What a great book this has been.  If you haven't bought the book, I encourage you to do so.....and you can go back and review the posts at any time so it will be just as if you did the study with us :)

Today, we are reviewing Chapter 9 Sexuality: The Heart's Unsuspecting Mirror.  To keep this reading from being too long, I will include Chapter 10 in a separate post.  (And remember, this is only a short overview of some of the topics covered in each chapter, and not a complete summary or discussion.) 

Chapter 9 Sexuality


The title of this chapter made me a little nervous.  Honestly, sexuality is not something that "Christians" normally talk about, is it?  But why not?  Sex in marriage was God's invention and idea! :)  It is something sacred between a husband and wife and is truly more than just a sexual encounter.  The world has turned it into something that it was not created for.


"No matter how much our culture tries to pretend, we cannot keep ourselves from realizing that sex has both context and meaning - that in a sexual encounter, we are standing at the edge of something holy."


"For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This mystery is great, but I am speaking in reference to Christ and the church."  Genesis 2:24

There is a parallel drawn here between the intimacy of a husband and wife and that of Christ and the church. 


"Physical intimacy, set in its true context, takes us straight to the heart of God, because the necessary components of trust and faithfulness and passion belong, first and foremost, to Him."


Paula draws lines between our previous topics - our ability to trust, our longing to be known, our forgiveness of others and ourselves, etc - and sexually intimacy with our spouse.


"Sometimes there are genuine physiological differences in couples that greatly influence their desire for sex - a kind of cocktail of neurochemicals and hormones that vary widely from individual to individual.  Physiology plays a huge role in the world of sexual passion..........Having said that, though, sex can provide a world of insight into our emotional lives and inner worlds. We act out the closeness we don't feel sometimes by quietly keeping our distance, hugging the side of the bed. Last week's argument never got resolved. The distance builds and the tension mounts. And while we may manage the kids' carpool and the family checking account and a host of other things, our sexual lives slide to the periphery and we hope our husbands won't mind all that much."


Anyone ever been there? ;)


Our relationship with our husband is affected in every way, including sexual intimacy, by the issues of our heart.  And as God "brings more freedom and cleansing to my heart, the most intimate relationship of my life will feel the effect."


Study questions (pg 225-227)

•  How do you see your sexuality as a window into your heart? In what way is that thought freeing, encouraging, threatening or challenging? 
• How does the reality that sexual intimacy mirrors ours intimacy with God - our longing to be one with Him - affect the way you feel about sex?

Chapters 7 & 8

(Because I am reviewing two chapters at once, my discussion for each chapter will be shorter than normal. There is no way to possibly include everything from each chapter, without rewriting the whole chapter!  But, if you have the book, I encourage you to take time with each chapter and allow God to speak to you concerning whatever topic is presented.)

Chapter 7 Vulnerability: The Secret Side of Strength

My flesh and my heart may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

In chapter 7, Paula points out that when we think of being a strong woman, vulnerability is surely not the first thing that comes to mind.  But it is, in fact, "the secret side of strength."


"To be vulnerable is to voluntarily place yourself, for the sake of a larger purpose, in a situation that could bring pain. You see something at stake - your own spiritual growth or someone else's - and you are willing to risk your heart in a vulnerable way."


This is definitely not the "strength" that is modeled in the world today.


But when we consider Jesus, we find a different model.......


Questions 3 and 4 of our study guide in the back of our book:


3. Christ came in the utmost vulnerability, laying aside His true splendor and beauty.  Through His vulnerability and suffering God makes His power known. (Read Isaiah 53:2-3)  What about His chosen vulnerability most touches you?


4.  What's amazing is that Isaiah also shares the inner life of Jesus- how He felt in the midst of it all. What do you see as the secret of His strength?

"For the Lord God helps Me, therefore, I am not disgraced;

Therefore, I have set My face like flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.

He who vindicated me is near...Behold, the Lord God helps Me;

Who is he who condemns Me?"

Isaiah 50:7-8,9

When we take the time to share our heart with others, make our story known, then God is able to make His power known through us.   But the truth is, sometimes we can't share our heart because all too often, our heart is what gets pushed to the side in our busy lives, making it unfamiliar territory.

In the section on Discovering Your Heart, pgs 94-98, Paula encourages journaling and quiet time (solitude) to help us get to know our own heart.  I agree!  She states that "it is incredible to see the way feelings and conclusions you did not know you even had slip out the end of a pencil!" :)  So, dust off your journal that you got for your last birthday........

"The strength of vulnerability is the fire of a tender heart that forges steel in the soul.  As difficult as it is to life with a vulnerable heart, it is far easier than camping out behind a facade."

Paula also addresses vulnerability in relationships all throughout this chapter.  "We don't mend each other's brokenness, we admit our needs and let that draw us to each other and to God."

Chapter 8: Forgiveness: Experiencing a Heart Set Free

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.   Hebrews 12:15

Another good chapter.....remember if you have the book, don't limit yourself to reading just what I post.  There is so much more in the book! :)

I'm just going to list a few of my favorite quotes from this chapter.....

pg. 109....Unforgiveness probably looks like  "...a dark, sticky cement that shuts down my heart, piece by little piece, and turns it into something as hard as stone......There is less of me to offer others, less of me that can really respond to God."  This really got my attention.....less of me that can really respond to God....

pg. 110...."Fundamentally, we forgive because in Christ, we have been forgiven.  The arms that embrace us are wide enough to embrace those who hurt us - and those we have hurt as well."

"A harbored wrong can control a life.  It becomes what we feed off of, and we feel full of  - occasionally even happy in our misery - but we are full of awful stuff."

On pg 113, she compares the heart to a garden that requires tending. "A root of bitterness is so potent it will invade other people's gardens, and worst of all, it will choke the grace of God in my life."

pg. 114...."The problem, so to speak, is that forgiveness offends our basic sense of justice.  If we've been really hurt by someone we love, some voice in the core of our soul screams, 'It's not fair.  This is not right.'"

pg. 115...."Recompense is an Old Testament word that acknowledges there is truly a debt to be paid......The idea behind recompense is that God knows the injustice we feel.  It offends Him far more than it does us.  And He is offering to repay the debt Himself - in His way and His time."  (Kind of goes back to our chapter on trust!.....)

pg 117 ...."Forgiveness is about looking the pain straight in the eye and saying, 'God is bigger than this.'"

pg. 122..."We are such broken people - all of us, both victim and agent - standing in need of the grace of God."

pg. 123..."The reality of being forgiven means that we, of all people, have the freedom to admit when we are wrong."

Questions 4 and 5 from our study guide (pg. 222 - 223)

4.  One passage I've turned to through the years is the story that Jesus told Peter when he wanted to be able to forgive seven times and no more.  Take a few minutes to let yourself sink into the feelings that ricochet through the story of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:21-35.   At what point in the story do you feel the weight of what you owe God? What kind of effect does the awareness of a cancelled debt have on you?

5.  How would you complete this sentence:  I want to forgive, but the thing that holds me back is........

Again, this is sooooo much in these two chapters!  There's no way I could cover it all here!  As I've said before, this will be a book that I read again and again and again.  What spoke to you the most concerning vulnerability and forgiveness?

Angie and Jessica over at The Bloom Book Club posted Chapter 5 on Monday.....click here to read there discussion and watch the video!

XO

Shelly

Chapter Six: Trust

After this chapter, we are halfway through our book study!  Although it has gone a little differently than planned, it has been a really good book!  I think I may post the remaining chapters 2 at a time....7 and 8, 9 and 10, 11 and 12.  That way we finish up and can switch gears a little, with summertime upon us (and kids out of school!).  :)

So, this chapter was no different than the others.....good stuff!  This book is not going to disappoint.

A few of my favorite quotes from the book:

Paula states..."A major turning point in my life came when I realized that being able to trust God is grounded in staking the whole of my being on the reality that He loves me."

On page 75, she says "Trust lies in the willingness to accept the particulars of how and when and where God chooses to intervene."  This, in my opinion, is the key.  So often we say we trust God, but then try to dictate timing, circumstances, and outcome.  Trusting is just that.......trust.  Period.  No matter what happens.  And that can be really, really hard sometimes.

You know I can't go another post without using a definition.  I mean, it's been a few posts!  Dictionary.com and I have become great friends, and I paid him a visit tonight. :)

One of the (many) definitions for trust fit perfectly into our chapter. 

TRUST:  to permit to remain or go somewhere or to do something without fear of consequences

I think that about sums it up, don't you?

Rinehart explains that the ability to trust rests in the absolute knowing that God loves us.  And allowing Him to do so.  She says on page 78 that "letting ourselves be loved by God is the place where we stumble upon trust."

"We think some grand achievement or someone's approval will finally baptize us with the sense of being loved.  (Did someone send her copies of my journals?  Was it you??)  But the need to trust is our invitation, over and over, to the place where we look into His face - and no one else's - and let ourselves be loved by Him.  We let ourselves be loved by God. Our hands release their grip on the reins of our lives and we stop trying so hard to be women with all the answers."

Ya.  I know.

"When you taste a measure of being able to love and enjoy the people in your life, without having to have any particular response from them, you are tasting bliss.  You can move out in life and don't have to have your parking ticket stamped by human approval to do it."

Seriously.  Is anyone else hearing this?  Or did she write this book for me? :)

Freedom.

Again, so much in this chapter....I could make several posts out of each one.  Read it if you have it, or just read my post, and let me know your thoughts!  A few more quotes that I just couldn't leave out...

From page 81: "Indeed, any serious grappling with trust will lead us to the heart of mystery, of all that God chooses not to tell us.........But accepting the mystery of what we cannot know will lead us to the heart of God where we trade our craving for explanation for a simple willingness to trust."

On page 83 she quotes Brennan Manning, "The scandal of God's silence on the most heartbreaking hours of our journey is perceived in retrospect as veiled tender Presence and a passage into pure trust that is not at the mercy of the response it receives."

And finally on page 85, "Your trust and willingness to take your sticky fingers off the steering wheel of your life rest on the risk that, in face, the goodness of God will catch you when you let go."

This is going to be one of those books that I keep and read again and again.  And if you borrow it from me, it may be a little worn out.

I pray that we can learn together to allow ourselves to be loved by God.  Really loved.  And in that place, we stumble upon trusting Him.  Pure trust.  No matter what.  No matter when.  No matter where. No matter how. 

See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are. 1 John 3:1

As you know, I started this book study because of Angie and Jessica over at The Bloom Book Club.  They have had some delays (including the birth of Angie's beautiful baby!), but will be finishing the book soon as well.  So click here or on the button on my sidebar to visit their blog!

I'm posting this without proofing so have mercy! :)  Although I probably won't be able to sleep tonight wondering how many mistakes I made.......I'll probably come back and change it! :)

My daughter's Graduation in 23 hours!!  Woohoo!! Get the kleenex ready!

XO

Shelly

Chapter Five: Control

Releasing Our Sticky Fingers

"All of us want to hold on to the illusion that we are in control of our lives.....at least a little bit anyway..."

The title alone of this chapter immediately grabbed my attention. I know this is one of the (many) areas I struggle with. 

Hi, my name is Shelly.  I have control issues.

But seriously.....coming from a woman's perspective (cause that's where my expertise is, ya know...)....we all have ideas and dreams of how we think and hope our life is going to go, and we think we know how to make it happen. 

I have an idea of how I think my kids' lives should go.  How they should do things, how they should dress, what they should say, who they should marry.....you get the idea.  And I think its certainly okay to (and we should) have expectations and dreams for our children, but ultimately God is in control.  And we are not.

Our daughter is graduating next weekend and I know that things are going to be a little different. :)  Although she is still living at home, going to a community college, she is becoming an adult.  The hard part for me will be giving her the freedom to make choices and decisions.....even when they are not the ones I think she should make.  This is new for me.  How do you watch as your child makes a wrong choice and you know there will be consequences?  I know this is a part of the process, a part of life, character building, a part of who she will become and how God will use her.  Lord, help me to trust You with Your daughter.  Help me to release my sticky fingers.

And sometimes things just don't work out like we had planned.  Sometimes they do!  But sometimes they don't.....

Paula tells of her personal experience with skin cancer.  This really hit home for me.  5 1/2 years ago while pregnant with my baby boy, I received some similar, unexpected news - I had melanoma.  (Read that part of my story here) 

That was definitely not supposed to be part of my story. 

Or was it?

I believe that God will bring something good out of every bad situation or circumstance in our life.  He can't help it!  He's a good God.  Did He cause my cancer?  No.  Will He use my story for His glory and to draw people to Him?  Yes, I believe He will.

Today, I attended the funeral for my niece's twin boys who were born prematurely at 23 weeks.  My great nephews....Ayden and Evan.  Not how we imagined or hoped things would go.  Definitely not according to our plan.  Does God have a plan?  I just KNOW that He does.  As Starla said in one of her comments to a previous post of mine, I know that God is going to bring greatness out of this sadness.  Somehow.  Some way.

Paula quotes advice she received from a friend, "You have to realize that your dreams aren't going to materialize in the way you have hoped - even the ones you thought God gave you.  Some will turn out better than you could ever imagine.  Some will go belly up.  And hardly any will match the picture in your mind."

It's not always bad when our ideas or expectations don't materialize.  Not everyone will get cancer.  Not everyone will lose a child.  But we each have our own trials and tribulations....our own character building....our own story. 

And we each have our triumphs where God shows up and shows out.....and things are BETTER than we had hoped or imagined (even though they weren't part of our 10 year plan or vision board with accompanying pictures). 

When our oldest two children were 13 and 9, God decided we needed another one!  Not part of our plan....but definitely better than we expected or could have planned for ourselves! :)

God sees the big picture and He knows what He's doing.  Too often we ducktape our fingers around our circumstances and try to make things happen, fix things, or change things (because we know better). 

Rinehart exposes two faces of control:

• one looks anxious, overbearing, just plain trying too hard (ahhemm....you talking to ME?)
• the other is more a story of avoidance and self protection (again....)

Often our hurts and/or past experiences influence our future decisions, our plans, our goals and our dreams.....how we attempt to build our life.  If we can just do this, or avoid that, things will be fine and dandy.

Paula states that often the pain in our life "just sits there fermenting, expressing itself as control...."

"Most often, our need to stay in control springs from inner vows we do not know we have made:

• I will not hurt like that again.
• I will never be loved the way I long to be.
• I am really all I have.

She goes on to say that control "masquerades as strength, but it's really not........We try to get a life by arranging the pieces as best our limited vision and wounded, misbegotten hearts can do.  God may be a prop in the play, but He is not the director."

If I am going to trust God with my life, (and that of my children) I have to trust Him with every part of it.  The happy times and the sad times.  I have to trust that He already knows and that He has a plan. 

I have to trust that He is ever present, holding my hand, whispering softly the words that I need to hear, molding me, equipping me, making me, loving me.

Because He is.

Is there something in your life that has happened that wasn't exactly how you planned it?  How has it affected you and your relationship with God?  With other people? 

Are you allowing control to masquerade as strength and cover up the places that God wants to expose and heal?

Are you missing out on God's plans for your life because you have your own plans?

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Corinthians 2:9

Ask God to help you peel off the ducktape.....release your sticky fingers.....and truly become the director of your life (and mine).  Pray for me, and I will pray for you. :)  I need all the help I can get.

XO

Shelly

Chapter Four: Losing Heart

Rinehart talks about how everything that makes life worth living - laughter, love, courage, sacrifice - is born in the inner depth of our heart. It is from where our passion comes. 


When we lose heart, we lose our passion.


We become strangers even to ourselves.

She quotes Frederick Buechner -


"....we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little instead come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing."

Our fear of rejection or fear of being hurt again or whatever fear lurks deep inside, becomes the driving force behind our loss of passion and causes us to hide our true selves.  Thinking we are "protecting" ourselves, we deny ourselves hope and pretend we have no expectations.  That way, we are not disappointed. 

A sad existence.  And definitely God's best for our life!

I love the analogy she uses on page 51-52 from Anne Lamott.  She compares having your tonsils out (a wound to the body) to pain and disappointments (wounds to the spirit).  In order for healing to take place, one must use the muscles around the wound in order to begin to get relief and start the healing process. 

Is pain real?  Yes.

Will we encounter disappointments?  Yes.

BUT!.... we continue living, hoping, expecting, knowing that God has good plans for us!

As David said in Psalms....

[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living!  (Ps. 27:13 Amplified)


Purpose to regain your passion!  Allow God to awaken those places in the secret chambers of your heart that have been hidden.  Allow Him to restore your hope. 

Rinehart states that "if we do not let ourselves hope in God, we will turn in another direction....depending on ourselves or putting our hope in other people."

"Hope that is pinned to God, rather than to people, has a buoyancy to it because it is grounded not in our own illusion of how our story should read, but in the character of God."

And two final quotes from this chapter that I couldn't leave out.....

"Only when the heart can hear, can we receive the experience of being loved, the joy of belonging to the Father,...and pain is often the megaphone that awakens."

"In the inner chambers of your heart, God steps past all your talent and hard work - all that you think He values.  He goes straight for the messy, broken places in you because it's there that you can truly discover Him."

I am praying for you today....that you (and I) will allow God into the messy, broken places.......that you allow yourself to hope again, to embrace life, and to LIVE.......that you will know, today, the joy of belonging to the Father, and in those broken places, you truly discover Him......

XO

Chapter Three: Pain

The Crossroads of the Heart

There were some technical difficulties over at The Bloom Book Club tonight, so the video won't be posted until tomorrow, but I thought I'd go ahead and post my thoughts.  Be sure to jump over there tomorrow to hear what Jessica and Angie have to say! 



This chapter is not really a fun one.  Not that any of them are FUN....but the last two talked about awakening! and desire!  That's exciting, don't ya think?  Well, this one.....talks about the reality of pain, and how that sometimes, no matter how hard we pray or how many positive things we speak, things don't always work out the way we planned. 

"The whole notion that some part of the pain of life is unavoidable is not an easy idea to confront.  Especially for Christians.  We tend to see our lives as a series of hurdles, which, if we trust God and jump high enough (oh my.....been there....), we can get through without scraping our knees.  If we miss a hurdle, though - or come through bloody and bruised - we must have done it wrong.  We have failed in some way.  Or worse, God has failed us."

Ever felt like that before?

I have.

But it's not true.

God never fails.  And He is not surprised by anything that happens in our life.  He already knew before it happened.

"It may take us a while to catch our breath, to ride the wave, and to trust that God has something in mind - something good - that we would never have dreamed."

Indeed, the Lord will comfort Zion,

He will comfort all her waste places.

And her wilderness He will make like Eden.

And her desert like the garden of the Lord.

Isaiah 51:3

We are not promised that things will always be perfect or that we'll never encounter a storm, but we are promised that we'll never have to go through it alone.

".....you start to realize that some sorrows in life will never go away.  You learn to carry them with you in ways that enrich rather than debilitate your life, in ways that make you wise.  But the dark and knubby places in the fabric, the tapestry of your life, remain."

"There are inevitable losses in life.  But there is one thing you do not have to lose - your heart."

We all experience pain.  It's where we go from there that matters.

"Pain...takes place on an invisible level, yet it has the potential to actually shape the real stuff of a person's future.  It can numb and destroy your passion in life, but it can refine and bless as well."

What will you do with your heart?

Will you allow (or have you allowed) the pain to destroy your passion for life?  Or will you choose to be refined?

God wants to make your wilderness like Eden and your desert like the garden of the Lord.

Trust that He has something in mind - something good - something you would have never dreamed.

XO

Shelly

What Would You Do?

Ok, you may get sick of me but I feel like I am going to BURST if I don't add a part two to chapter two!!  But I promise to keep it short ;)  Maybe.

I have to quote from page 31.....

"In this journey of desire.......you move out of the stands and onto the playing field.  In the stands, you are just a spectator, watching your own life, a passive onlooker to a game where other people call the plays.  You are what someone else says you are.  It's the turtle story, where a hard shell protects all the live stuff inside.   But you can only stay in the stands so long without the soul-numbing sense that you are missing your own life.  The only one God gave you. To move from being a spectator is to step out on the field and risk banging up your knees a bit.  To experience the muddy, sweaty exhilaration of actually playing the game...."

And then she asks the questions.....

"What would you begin to do if you thought you could?"

"Would you want to live in a foreign country?"  (Hmmm...lol)

"Or begin a ministry no one else had attempted?"  (Maybe...)

"Or write a book?"  (YES!!)

"Or plant a perennial garden?"

"Or ask your mother-in-law if there wasn't some way to mend the defeaning silence between you?"

WHAT WOULD YOU DO??

Think about it.......

XO

Chapter Two: Desire

Lord, all my desire is before Thee; and my sighing is not hid from Thee. Psalm 38:9


In this chapter, Rinehart describes how we are "painfully incomplete."  Our heart is a bundle of "longings, and desires.....holes in our soul....The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself.  The longings identify our real hunger.  A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied."


When the word desire is mentioned, often one thinks of the wrong kind of desire.  Desire can lead us to worldly things, but it can also lead us to God.  So not all desire is bad.  We were created as passionate beings by a passionate God.  "The majestic power of God that made the heavens and formed the earth, also reaches into the core of our being and shapes our very spirit."


As Zechariah said, "Thus declares the Lord who stretches out the heavens, lays the foundation of the earth, and forms the spirit of man within him."


That really spoke to me.  The same God who is also the Creator of the universe, maker all things, giver of life......formed my very spirit!  Often I feel guilty for spending time creating things, crafting, sewing. painting, scrapbooking etc, and feel like I should be doing something more "spiritual."  But God put those inside of me.  He made me in His image, a creative being.  The only time my desire for these things would be wrong is when I place them above Him.  In that case, they would have become an idol.


Rinehart also explains how some people give up, and are even encouraged to give up, their desires, and part of their "soul goes to sleep."  Then her next few statements wowed me! "When we are wholly His we will be more ourselves than ever." (She actually quoted that one from C.S. Lewis).  "It is the definition of joy to be able to offer back to God the essence of what He's placed in you, be that creativity or a love of ideas or a compassionate heart or the gift of hospitality."


There is also desire that leads us away from God and causes pain.  One example she uses is the desire to run off with the postman.  I think you can see the difference.  Desires that lead us to God, and those that take us away.  She goes on to tell us how we deal with these desires......


I could go on and on again with this chapter, but I'll keep it short and allow you to read the rest (this is only from the first couple of pages! haha). It is deep and has a lot of information.....I think I'm going to go read it again...... :) 

What stood out to you or spoke to you in this chapter?



If you still haven't received your book, don't be discouraged! My posts will still be here when you get it! You can go back and review any time you need to. And if you haven't even ordered one yet, click on the amazon link or find it at your local christian bookstore!

Have a FANTASTIC day!!!

XO

Shelly

Online Book Study

I am participating in an online book study with 2 sweet blogging girlies over at The Bloom Book Club.  I've never done this before, so I'm excited!  I've been trying to decide on a new book to read anyway, and this will give me the chance to hopefully make some new friends, get feedback from other women and engage in an online discussion!  If this sounds like something you might be interested in, here's is the info you will need to get on board:

Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rinehart 

online discussion and more info about the study (including a note from the author)

Schedule for the book study:


Sunday, May 9: Chapter 1: Awakening


Tuesday, May 11: Chapter 2: Desire


Thursday: May 13: Chapter 3: Pain


Sunday, May 16: Chapter 4: Losing Heart


Tuesday, May 18: Chapter 5: Control


Thursday, May 20: Chapter 6: Trust


Sunday, May 23: Chapter 7: Vulnerbility


Tuesday, May 25: Chapter 8: Forgiveness


Thursday, May 27: Chapter 9: Sexuality


Sunday, May 31: Chapter 10: Loving Beyond Reason


Tuesday, June 1: Chapter 11: Living Beyond Fear


Thursday, June 3: Chapter 12: Longing for Resolution
 
So, anyway, after just browsing through the book, it looks really good!  Check it out, see what YOU think, and leave a comment if you plan to follow along!  I'll be posting my comments and notes here, too, so feel free to join in!
 

XO